Dreaming vs. Doing

These past few weeks really helped put some things about myself into perspective, and though it led to some rather painful realizations it was something I really needed. I was talking about plans for the future and was rambling on excitedly about one idea or another and my friend commented that she hoped Id actually go through with it and make it happen. She told me I'm a "project starter" and that it's time for me to finally finish something for a change. While this may seem harsh, her words rang true and really made me realize that this is one of my biggest personality flaws. I get ideas, I get passionate about them, I throw a ton of work into getting them started and then...I get a new idea, I get passionate about it, I throw a ton of work into starting it and any plans I had for the previous idea sort of get set on the back burner. But they don't simmer there, they just sort of..go bad. And I never go back to them. And nothing ever gets accomplished.

I thought about all of the things I've thought about doing and plans I only half carried out and it was a huge eye opener to how much I could have accomplished with my life and had all of the potential in the world to make happen and then....didn't. The charity I dreamed up and never started, the blanket I crocheted half of, the handful of novels I wrote three chapters of, the quilt half sewn sitting on a shelf in my closet. The list goes on and on. Countless plans I had for my life that I walked away from when an idea I perceived as "better" came along. All things I started but never finished.

It's not even a case of "giving up;" it's that my attention span and focus is so all over the place that I can't seem to keep myself working toward one thing. I'm so worried about getting the most out of life and living every second to the fullest and cramming in as much as possible that I end up jumping away from great ideas in an attempt to do more. But the problem with this is by not finishing anything I'm not getting the most out of life; I'm setting myself up to permanently feel dissatisfied with how I didn't spend the little precious time I'd been given.

Last week was all about focusing myself on prioritizing my ideas and figuring out what plans I have are most important. I sat outside with my notebook and jotted down which goals are most important to me and ranked them in order of importance. I came up with small little steps that I can easily make time for that will bring me closer to the finish line. After I was done, I felt really relieved and good about myself. It felt nice being able to physically see a list of my goals and priorities. I think half of my problem is my brain never takes a break; it's always buzzing with ideas and I don't know what to do with them. Seeing my list every day will remind me to focus and the steps I need to take are small enough that I won't get overwhelmed.

I know I will never be a one niche person. I will never have only one goal, dream or hobby. I don't think I could ever feel remotely satisfied working for just one thing, to be honest. I just need to learn how to effectively manage my time and thoughts so that I can accomplish multiple things at the same time and start really making things happen for myself. I need to stop letting go of old dreams the second I dream up something new. I need to stop letting myself forget about other things I want and look at the bigger picture. I need to stay true to the little steps for living more positively I outlined for myself and continue focusing on what I'm capable of instead of what I'm not.

I've always been a dreamer, I just need to be a doer for a change.

He Calls You Beautiful One

I've been thinking a lot about beauty lately. The physical appearance kind of beauty. The kind that we as women strive for....admit it or not. The kind that turns heads, makes magazine covers, lands modeling deals. The kind that we all want but feel we don't have enough of. The kind that makes that boy ask for your number.
The physical, external beauty.
And then I think of the inner. And how it isn't always as easy to see, But it's there.
And it surely will become evident, just give it a little time.
And I think about how uneven the emphasis on inner and outer beauty is in our culture. How we're taught by our media and culture to constantly fight and strive and work towards being "beautiful."
And how it's not necessarily bad at all to want to be physically attractive and beautiful - but how the beauty of our hearts is neglected. How easy it is (and I'm speaking from experience here) to fall into wanting to attract attention and turn heads. How easy it is to focus all your attention on outer beauty instead of inner. To spend an hour in front of the mirror curling your hair, but forget to pray and spend time with the lover of your soul. How easy it is to fall into dressing in a way that attracts attention - because, why not? Everyone else is doing it. Choosing clothes that are a little too tight, a little too low-cut.
Girls, I know how hard it is - balancing outer and inner beauty. This fight we have chosen to take up against a culture that screams worldly, temporary, and rather worthless values, distracting us from our heart's goal. The hard but worth it choice to focus on God and say "no" to worldly things. The choice to dress modestly yet still being fashionable and trendy, creative and fun. I struggle because i can always see loads of things about myself i'd like to tweak and change. How my teeth could be whiter, or i could lose some weight here and there, how i would finally be happy if i had perfect skin.. and I'm finding that the only way we can be successful in our striving for the goal of attaining inner beauty rather than just outer is this: to realize who calls us beautiful in the first place.
When I realize this unbelievable truth - that He loves me and calls me beautiful, everything makes sense. It all falls into place. And when I realize He calls me beautiful - no, not for my pretty face or good looks, but for my heart. Who I am. For my soul. It is the most freeing, precious, and wonderful thing in the world.
Who defines your beauty? The measurements, colors, styles, and standards of Hollywood and our perverted media? Or the Lord? The One who created you, who made your heart, who breathed life into you so that you are here this very day?
Let Him love on you. You are His daughter, His princess. His joy. The apple of His eye. He loves you to the moon and back. And He calls you beautiful!
In light of this - who cares what anyone thinks. That critical eye. The culture and media that objectifies women, setting unrealistic standards using Photoshop, heavy makeup, and severe dieting. Listen to the voice that truly matters. Listen to Him - He calls you "Beautiful One."

He doesn't love you because you are beautiful. Or because you were popular in high school. He doesn't love you because you can whip up a delicious batch of cookies. He doesn't love you because you have a beautiful singing voice or because you can write the most beautiful poetry. He doesn't love you because you get good grades. He doesn't love you because you are a good friend or because you serve the homeless. He doesn't love you less because of what you did last week in secret. He doesn't love you less because of what she said to you. Or what he did to hurt you. He doesn't love you less because you dropped the ball last year. He doesn't love you less because of what they think of you.
He just loves you. Because you are His. His little girl.
There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. Nothing you can do to make Him love you less. He just loves you.
This love is yours.

He loves you
and "Love never ends."
-1 Corinthians 13:13