The other day, as i was going through a box of old things in my closet, I found one of my old Bibles.
My very first one actually. The leather's pink and a little torn,
Anna Marie Lang engraved in silver letters on the front.
As I opened it up and leafed thorough it's old pages, I found a bookmark.
It read, "She did all she could." -Mark 14:8.
You see, she is someone I want to be like.
She knew Jesus. And her story is in the Bible. It's one of my very favorites.
When Jesus was in a place called Bethany, as He sat the table in the home of his friend, she came in.
She held in her hands an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard.
She broke the jar. And she poured the perfume out of the jar onto Jesus' head.
People began whispering. Indignantly, they said to one another,
"Why this waste of perfume?
It could have been sold for more than a year's wages
and the money given to the poor."
They judged her.
They looked down on her.
They rebuked her.
Harshly.
But Jesus looked up at them, and he said, "Leave her alone."
He defended her.
He said, "She has done a beautiful thing to me."
"The poor you will always have with you,
and you can help them anytime you want.
But you will not always have me.
She did all she could."
He continued to explain.
He told them she poured perfume on His body,
preparing Him for his coming death and burial...
something only He knew would soon occur.
He said that wherever the Gospel would be preached,
her story would be told..
through all the world, through all the years to come.
(Based upon Mark 14:1-9)
She was a woman who knew Jesus, and I want to be like her.
Her story moves me.
She understood something no one else in that room did.
What she did was sacred, special, and precious.
Jesus knew that. But the people in the room? They didn't "get it."
But she didn't care. As an act of worship, she anointed Jesus with something precious.
I love her faith.
Her bravery.
Her passion for Jesus.
And how she didn't care what anyone said or thought.
Just Him.
We don't know much about her. We don't know where she got that perfume, where she lived, or how she possessed the expensive oil. But we do know she possessed something valuable, costly, precious. The perfume was worth much, to her, and even to an onlooker.
I love this story, because I can relate with it. No, I don't own bottles of costly perfume, but because my life and my heart, and your life and your heart, are worth much. And we alone choose and decide how to spend our lives and where to give our hearts.
Like the woman in this story, I chose long ago to give my life, my heart, my time, my love, my worship - to Him. No matter the cost. And I want to continue to do that.
By giving my life to Him, I'm saying "no" to all else.
Pouring it out like a costly perfume,
on His head,
in worship.
Trusting Him,
giving my all.
Because it belongs to Him anyway.
And because He is the love of my life.
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
I'm not saying that i don't fall short.
I get lost.
I fail him.
Every day.
But the beauty of His grace is that he continually takes me back,
no matter my shortcomings.
No matter what I've said or done.
Hallelujah.
Tomorrow I'm a year older.
So I choose to give Him this year,
and the rest of my years.
The rest of this decade,
every decade after,
every year He may give me.
I don't wanna keep it bottled up.
I choose to pour it out on Him.
In reckless, passionate worship.
Like a bottle of Chanel no. 5, poured out.
Wasted, to some it seems.
Like this woman,
who poured it out
despite haters,
despite what anyone thought.
All she saw was Him.
What are you doing with your costly perfume?
Your life?
Your heart?
My prayer as the clock strikes midnight
and I open a new chapter of life,
thankful for a new year, is this:
That I may, in reckless and passionate abandon,
pour out every last drop of my costly perfume
as worship to Him. And that someday, just maybe,
He will say of me -
"She did all she could."
May we, through His grace, pour it all out for Him.
Showing posts with label Flaws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flaws. Show all posts
Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
He Calls You Beautiful One
I've been thinking a lot about beauty lately. The physical appearance kind of beauty. The kind that we as women strive for....admit it or not. The kind that turns heads, makes magazine covers, lands modeling deals. The kind that we all want but feel we don't have enough of. The kind that makes that boy ask for your number.
The physical, external beauty.
And then I think of the inner. And how it isn't always as easy to see, But it's there.
And it surely will become evident, just give it a little time.
And I think about how uneven the emphasis on inner and outer beauty is in our culture. How we're taught by our media and culture to constantly fight and strive and work towards being "beautiful."
And how it's not necessarily bad at all to want to be physically attractive and beautiful - but how the beauty of our hearts is neglected. How easy it is (and I'm speaking from experience here) to fall into wanting to attract attention and turn heads. How easy it is to focus all your attention on outer beauty instead of inner. To spend an hour in front of the mirror curling your hair, but forget to pray and spend time with the lover of your soul. How easy it is to fall into dressing in a way that attracts attention - because, why not? Everyone else is doing it. Choosing clothes that are a little too tight, a little too low-cut.
Girls, I know how hard it is - balancing outer and inner beauty. This fight we have chosen to take up against a culture that screams worldly, temporary, and rather worthless values, distracting us from our heart's goal. The hard but worth it choice to focus on God and say "no" to worldly things. The choice to dress modestly yet still being fashionable and trendy, creative and fun. I struggle because i can always see loads of things about myself i'd like to tweak and change. How my teeth could be whiter, or i could lose some weight here and there, how i would finally be happy if i had perfect skin.. and I'm finding that the only way we can be successful in our striving for the goal of attaining inner beauty rather than just outer is this: to realize who calls us beautiful in the first place.
When I realize this unbelievable truth - that He loves me and calls me beautiful, everything makes sense. It all falls into place. And when I realize He calls me beautiful - no, not for my pretty face or good looks, but for my heart. Who I am. For my soul. It is the most freeing, precious, and wonderful thing in the world.
Who defines your beauty? The measurements, colors, styles, and standards of Hollywood and our perverted media? Or the Lord? The One who created you, who made your heart, who breathed life into you so that you are here this very day?
Let Him love on you. You are His daughter, His princess. His joy. The apple of His eye. He loves you to the moon and back. And He calls you beautiful!
In light of this - who cares what anyone thinks. That critical eye. The culture and media that objectifies women, setting unrealistic standards using Photoshop, heavy makeup, and severe dieting. Listen to the voice that truly matters. Listen to Him - He calls you "Beautiful One."
He doesn't love you because you are beautiful. Or because you were popular in high school. He doesn't love you because you can whip up a delicious batch of cookies. He doesn't love you because you have a beautiful singing voice or because you can write the most beautiful poetry. He doesn't love you because you get good grades. He doesn't love you because you are a good friend or because you serve the homeless. He doesn't love you less because of what you did last week in secret. He doesn't love you less because of what she said to you. Or what he did to hurt you. He doesn't love you less because you dropped the ball last year. He doesn't love you less because of what they think of you.
He just loves you. Because you are His. His little girl.
There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. Nothing you can do to make Him love you less. He just loves you.
This love is yours.
He loves you
and "Love never ends."
-1 Corinthians 13:13
The physical, external beauty.
And then I think of the inner. And how it isn't always as easy to see, But it's there.
And it surely will become evident, just give it a little time.
And I think about how uneven the emphasis on inner and outer beauty is in our culture. How we're taught by our media and culture to constantly fight and strive and work towards being "beautiful."
And how it's not necessarily bad at all to want to be physically attractive and beautiful - but how the beauty of our hearts is neglected. How easy it is (and I'm speaking from experience here) to fall into wanting to attract attention and turn heads. How easy it is to focus all your attention on outer beauty instead of inner. To spend an hour in front of the mirror curling your hair, but forget to pray and spend time with the lover of your soul. How easy it is to fall into dressing in a way that attracts attention - because, why not? Everyone else is doing it. Choosing clothes that are a little too tight, a little too low-cut.
Girls, I know how hard it is - balancing outer and inner beauty. This fight we have chosen to take up against a culture that screams worldly, temporary, and rather worthless values, distracting us from our heart's goal. The hard but worth it choice to focus on God and say "no" to worldly things. The choice to dress modestly yet still being fashionable and trendy, creative and fun. I struggle because i can always see loads of things about myself i'd like to tweak and change. How my teeth could be whiter, or i could lose some weight here and there, how i would finally be happy if i had perfect skin.. and I'm finding that the only way we can be successful in our striving for the goal of attaining inner beauty rather than just outer is this: to realize who calls us beautiful in the first place.
When I realize this unbelievable truth - that He loves me and calls me beautiful, everything makes sense. It all falls into place. And when I realize He calls me beautiful - no, not for my pretty face or good looks, but for my heart. Who I am. For my soul. It is the most freeing, precious, and wonderful thing in the world.
Who defines your beauty? The measurements, colors, styles, and standards of Hollywood and our perverted media? Or the Lord? The One who created you, who made your heart, who breathed life into you so that you are here this very day?
Let Him love on you. You are His daughter, His princess. His joy. The apple of His eye. He loves you to the moon and back. And He calls you beautiful!
In light of this - who cares what anyone thinks. That critical eye. The culture and media that objectifies women, setting unrealistic standards using Photoshop, heavy makeup, and severe dieting. Listen to the voice that truly matters. Listen to Him - He calls you "Beautiful One."
He doesn't love you because you are beautiful. Or because you were popular in high school. He doesn't love you because you can whip up a delicious batch of cookies. He doesn't love you because you have a beautiful singing voice or because you can write the most beautiful poetry. He doesn't love you because you get good grades. He doesn't love you because you are a good friend or because you serve the homeless. He doesn't love you less because of what you did last week in secret. He doesn't love you less because of what she said to you. Or what he did to hurt you. He doesn't love you less because you dropped the ball last year. He doesn't love you less because of what they think of you.
He just loves you. Because you are His. His little girl.
There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. Nothing you can do to make Him love you less. He just loves you.
This love is yours.
He loves you
and "Love never ends."
-1 Corinthians 13:13
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Extending Love
It was one of those days. One of those days where everything seems to go wrong. From the moment my feet hit the floor that morning and I realized I'd missed my alarm clock and slept late, the day just felt off. I'd like to say I'm always put together, on time, and poised....but that's just not true. In all honesty, the words "frenzy" and "running a hundred miles an hour with my hair on fire" are more accurate at times. And honestly, as the day went on, I was not feeling that great about life...or myself. Earlier that morning, I found time to put on a little eyeliner, throw on a wrinkled shirt and my comfiest pair of blue jeans, and let my hair air dry on it's own (never the best choice.) As the day wore on, I became more and more discouraged with life. I promised to always be honest with you guys on this blog, and so that means I'm not one of those bloggers - you know the ones - who have the perfect outfit on at all times, complete with red lipstick, a Chanel bag, and Tiffany's earrings - the ideal life, and (somehow) a bank account that always comfortably allows for fancy dinners, shopping sprees, and many weekly exotic outings. I'm just a girl who deals with daily life stuff. Who looks for the good and tries to make the most of every situation. Who is totally open about her flaws.
But by mid-afternoon that day, due to a combination of having a lot on my mind, being weary, and fighting discouragement, I had to do something. And when push comes to shove, what's a girl to do? I went to get some coffee from the school coffee shop. Coffee will always helps one's state of mind.
I walked up to the coffee machine and punched the button for my favorite french vanilla cappuccino. And as I fumbled through my backpack, brushing back a stray strand of unruly hair from my face and sighing, the girl who walked up behind me smiled kindly at me. And then she said, "You always look so cute! You just have the prettiest hair and I love your style. I always think you look just so pretty." I was frozen as I found my 50 cents at the bottom of my bag. Tears threatened to flow, and all I could do was quietly stand there and say, "Thank you...you dont know how much i needed to hear that today."
It was just a short sentence. A few seconds of conversation. A quick exchange. But you know what? It changed my entire day. I'm not just saying that, either. I walked outta there feeling like a new girl (and it wasn't because of the coffee, although that has been known to happen.) Uplifted and encouraged - just because someone took the time to speak a few kind words to me. That sweet girl could have just waited her turn, checked her phone, said nothing at all. But she didn't. She took the time to say something nice to me and she changed my day.
And it got me thinking, the rest of the week, about the power of words. The sheer power one human being has over another just by speaking words. It's incredible, really. And as I thought about it, I began to think of moments and times in my life when words were spoken to me - words I will never, ever forget. Words are powerful. Words are life-giving, like I experienced at school that day. But words can also hurt and sting, words can stay with you for a lifetime. And they can even shape and define the very people we become. When spoken, words cannot be taken back. If hurtful, they can be forgiven. But usually, they are never forgotten. I began to think about words in my life - defining moments when words were spoken that I will never forget.
There are times in the past when people - even friends very close to me - didn't understand me, didn't take time to use their words to ask me what was going on in my heart, didn't take time to use their words to find out why I acted a certain way, why I made certain choices. Instead, words were used to tear me down - to judge, to gossip, to shame. It taught me a very painful lesson - to not only use words to encourage others, but also use words to get to know their hearts. To not judge just by outward appearances, choices, or even attitudes - but to dig deeper and talk - to sit down with someone you don't understand, someone you're even hurt by - and lovingly, graciously put aside judgement and really ask them to use their words to share their heart. In times I've chosen to do that rather than lash out in judgement, slander or gossip with my words - I've often found there's more to the story, more to a person's heart and actions than just what is seen. If people in my life in the past had taken the time to know my heart, a lot of hurt could've been spared.
I know I've been the one who's hurt others at times. I know I've hurt others by careless words. And I wish I could take them back. Realizing the power of words as I get older and have moments when words uplift like that sweet girl's did, I am driven to be more careful - more thoughtful about my words. I want to use the power my words have to give life, hope, love, and encouragement to the people I meet.
So, at the end of last week - I found myself on the other side of the "coffee situation." And I had a choice to make - a choice to hold my words of encouragement in or use them to build someone else up. A weary girl numbly fumbled for a cup, and I took the opportunity - I knew it was there - because I knew that look on her face. The same look I wore just days before as I stood in the exact same part. I seized the moment, "You have the prettiest smile," I said - "And I love your headband." She lit up. And she smiled so wide, she laughed. Her whole demeanor changed, the next minute I spent across from her she smiled and said, "Thank you...thank you." And it reminded me of someone else I know....just days before.
That, is what extending love looks like - not only did my encourager earlier in the week speak life to me, but the very act of encouraging me inspired me to lift up someone else!
Words bring life or death. They can uplift or drag down. And they live long past the moment they are spoken - they live forever in the mind and heart of the one spoken to...and they can even inspire one to do good.
Let's use our words in a purposeful way this week - to uplift, bring life, encourage, and inspire. You never know where a little word will take somebody. It could be the one they remember the rest of their life. And that, sweet friend - means something.
But by mid-afternoon that day, due to a combination of having a lot on my mind, being weary, and fighting discouragement, I had to do something. And when push comes to shove, what's a girl to do? I went to get some coffee from the school coffee shop. Coffee will always helps one's state of mind.
I walked up to the coffee machine and punched the button for my favorite french vanilla cappuccino. And as I fumbled through my backpack, brushing back a stray strand of unruly hair from my face and sighing, the girl who walked up behind me smiled kindly at me. And then she said, "You always look so cute! You just have the prettiest hair and I love your style. I always think you look just so pretty." I was frozen as I found my 50 cents at the bottom of my bag. Tears threatened to flow, and all I could do was quietly stand there and say, "Thank you...you dont know how much i needed to hear that today."
It was just a short sentence. A few seconds of conversation. A quick exchange. But you know what? It changed my entire day. I'm not just saying that, either. I walked outta there feeling like a new girl (and it wasn't because of the coffee, although that has been known to happen.) Uplifted and encouraged - just because someone took the time to speak a few kind words to me. That sweet girl could have just waited her turn, checked her phone, said nothing at all. But she didn't. She took the time to say something nice to me and she changed my day.
And it got me thinking, the rest of the week, about the power of words. The sheer power one human being has over another just by speaking words. It's incredible, really. And as I thought about it, I began to think of moments and times in my life when words were spoken to me - words I will never, ever forget. Words are powerful. Words are life-giving, like I experienced at school that day. But words can also hurt and sting, words can stay with you for a lifetime. And they can even shape and define the very people we become. When spoken, words cannot be taken back. If hurtful, they can be forgiven. But usually, they are never forgotten. I began to think about words in my life - defining moments when words were spoken that I will never forget.
"The tongue has the power of life and death."
Proverbs 18:21
Words have power. God spoke the world into existence, just using words alone. Words have meaning.
"And God said, 'Let there be light.' And there was light."
Genesis 1:3
There are times in the past when people - even friends very close to me - didn't understand me, didn't take time to use their words to ask me what was going on in my heart, didn't take time to use their words to find out why I acted a certain way, why I made certain choices. Instead, words were used to tear me down - to judge, to gossip, to shame. It taught me a very painful lesson - to not only use words to encourage others, but also use words to get to know their hearts. To not judge just by outward appearances, choices, or even attitudes - but to dig deeper and talk - to sit down with someone you don't understand, someone you're even hurt by - and lovingly, graciously put aside judgement and really ask them to use their words to share their heart. In times I've chosen to do that rather than lash out in judgement, slander or gossip with my words - I've often found there's more to the story, more to a person's heart and actions than just what is seen. If people in my life in the past had taken the time to know my heart, a lot of hurt could've been spared.
I know I've been the one who's hurt others at times. I know I've hurt others by careless words. And I wish I could take them back. Realizing the power of words as I get older and have moments when words uplift like that sweet girl's did, I am driven to be more careful - more thoughtful about my words. I want to use the power my words have to give life, hope, love, and encouragement to the people I meet.
So, at the end of last week - I found myself on the other side of the "coffee situation." And I had a choice to make - a choice to hold my words of encouragement in or use them to build someone else up. A weary girl numbly fumbled for a cup, and I took the opportunity - I knew it was there - because I knew that look on her face. The same look I wore just days before as I stood in the exact same part. I seized the moment, "You have the prettiest smile," I said - "And I love your headband." She lit up. And she smiled so wide, she laughed. Her whole demeanor changed, the next minute I spent across from her she smiled and said, "Thank you...thank you." And it reminded me of someone else I know....just days before.
That, is what extending love looks like - not only did my encourager earlier in the week speak life to me, but the very act of encouraging me inspired me to lift up someone else!
Words bring life or death. They can uplift or drag down. And they live long past the moment they are spoken - they live forever in the mind and heart of the one spoken to...and they can even inspire one to do good.
Let's use our words in a purposeful way this week - to uplift, bring life, encourage, and inspire. You never know where a little word will take somebody. It could be the one they remember the rest of their life. And that, sweet friend - means something.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
He Always Takes Me Back
Failure.
The word that comes to mind when i think of my dedication to the Lord.
Wreck.
The word that comes to mind when i think about my life, every time i lose my dedication.
Entitled.
How the world has taught me to see myself.
Over and over and over again i fail the one who died for me.
Over and over and over again i get into these power struggles with the one who created me.
Over and over and over again i see myself as most important and see every blessing in my life as deserved.
I hate myself for it, but somehow God loves me just the same. I really cant grasp it, because if i were him id be so sick of me... But somehow he sticks with me and gives little feeble broken me chance after chance. He gives me hope. Its crazy, having a God who always takes me back, no matter what ive done. Hallelujah, Praise him!
The word that comes to mind when i think of my dedication to the Lord.
Wreck.
The word that comes to mind when i think about my life, every time i lose my dedication.
Entitled.
How the world has taught me to see myself.
Over and over and over again i fail the one who died for me.
Over and over and over again i get into these power struggles with the one who created me.
Over and over and over again i see myself as most important and see every blessing in my life as deserved.
I hate myself for it, but somehow God loves me just the same. I really cant grasp it, because if i were him id be so sick of me... But somehow he sticks with me and gives little feeble broken me chance after chance. He gives me hope. Its crazy, having a God who always takes me back, no matter what ive done. Hallelujah, Praise him!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Side Effects
the first lie i
told was that i
was fine and
then it was just
a dot on my
windshield, i
could keep that one
straight, always;
the latest lie
is that i am
completely moved on
from someone i met in
the sun;
no one ever told me
that lying leaves
a sugary taste in your
mouth and reminds
you what you’ve done
no one ever said that
lying is an old friend that
you see again and
wish desperately to
approach but can’t
because of the crowd;
no one ever mentioned
that lying is like smiling
for the first time;
no one said
i’d fall half in love
with it
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Forgiveness.
Its something I've always struggled with. Not forgiving others, because I've never had a problem with that, people have actually told me that i forgive a little too easily... if that's possible, But when i talk about having trouble with forgiveness, im talking about accepting forgiveness. I guess that can be a good thing, because it makes me always strive to fix what i do wrong, and makes me strive to make good decisions and not to disappoint my family and my friends and most importantly God. But it also has another side to it.
I cannot accept that God forgives me.
I cant look at everything ive done wrong in life and see God take it from me.
I cant accept that someone so perfect would look at my sin and tell me not to worry,
and that he loves me,
and that he forgives me for my mistakes.
And so I beat up on myself. I cry because when I listen to myself, I hear: I'll never be good enough. I'll never be satisfied with myself. I'll never consider myself to be valuable to my creator. And then I realize that my thinking is completely backwards. And that in my self-loathing, I'm defiling something that God created to be pure and beautiful and holy. Not my actions, which are sinful-- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about me. Because my sin HAS been washed away. I'm talking about the reality that I'm justified in the eyes of my creator. He looks at my filth and sees Jesus' blood and it's finished. I know that.
So i guess me having trouble feeling forgiven, and not accepting my fathers gift, is my pride at work, me wanting to earn my salvation. And in my prideful self relying search of salvation, im losing sight of the father, and putting myself on a pedestal, trying to make myself my savior.
Its funny. How pride and self-loathing are my two biggest problems. How i can put myself up on this pedestal one moment, trying to save myself, thinking that i can do all things on my own and i can do them better than the Lord could do them... And then continue to treat myself like garbage, somehow warping truth & thinking I need to be punished for the crappy stuff I've done-- for my continual failures and shortcomings. Thinking that I need to suffer for my wrongs, as though they require more payment... As though Jesus' death was somehow insufficient.
I cry because I can't bring myself to accept His grace. Not that I don't think it's adequate.. I know it's more than enough. The insufficiency I'm overwhelmed with is my own. I don't feel like I'm worthy of anything, let alone perfect love. I just have to remind myself... The point of grace is that I don't deserve it. Because when I'm utterly incapable on my own, that's when God get's all the credit. And my self-worth should reflect the fact that I'm a part of God's kingdom. The point of everything is for God to receive the most glory. And that isn't achieved by me punishing myself, it's achieved by complete humility, gratitude, submission and praise.
I cannot accept that God forgives me.
I cant look at everything ive done wrong in life and see God take it from me.
I cant accept that someone so perfect would look at my sin and tell me not to worry,
and that he loves me,
and that he forgives me for my mistakes.
And so I beat up on myself. I cry because when I listen to myself, I hear: I'll never be good enough. I'll never be satisfied with myself. I'll never consider myself to be valuable to my creator. And then I realize that my thinking is completely backwards. And that in my self-loathing, I'm defiling something that God created to be pure and beautiful and holy. Not my actions, which are sinful-- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about me. Because my sin HAS been washed away. I'm talking about the reality that I'm justified in the eyes of my creator. He looks at my filth and sees Jesus' blood and it's finished. I know that.
So i guess me having trouble feeling forgiven, and not accepting my fathers gift, is my pride at work, me wanting to earn my salvation. And in my prideful self relying search of salvation, im losing sight of the father, and putting myself on a pedestal, trying to make myself my savior.
Its funny. How pride and self-loathing are my two biggest problems. How i can put myself up on this pedestal one moment, trying to save myself, thinking that i can do all things on my own and i can do them better than the Lord could do them... And then continue to treat myself like garbage, somehow warping truth & thinking I need to be punished for the crappy stuff I've done-- for my continual failures and shortcomings. Thinking that I need to suffer for my wrongs, as though they require more payment... As though Jesus' death was somehow insufficient.
I cry because I can't bring myself to accept His grace. Not that I don't think it's adequate.. I know it's more than enough. The insufficiency I'm overwhelmed with is my own. I don't feel like I'm worthy of anything, let alone perfect love. I just have to remind myself... The point of grace is that I don't deserve it. Because when I'm utterly incapable on my own, that's when God get's all the credit. And my self-worth should reflect the fact that I'm a part of God's kingdom. The point of everything is for God to receive the most glory. And that isn't achieved by me punishing myself, it's achieved by complete humility, gratitude, submission and praise.
Friday, June 8, 2012
1st Corinthians 13
Something I've learned this year is this: it's not actually as black and white as I'd like it to be.
from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll:
'Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable — "'
'Found what?' said the Duck.
'Found it,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what "it" means.'
'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?'
To "it", in this case, I might ascribe the meaning of the word "salvation", or perhaps "spiritual maturity" or "being a Christ-follower". I'm not talking about myself, here, so everyone can take a nice deep breath... I'm very secure in my salvation, my own understanding of maturity as it's described in the New Testament, and how I'm called to live my life in a way that's worthy of being labeled as a Christ-follower. But wherein lies the diction of these things? My own understanding of them comes from my life, my experiences, my education, doesn't it? And I'd like to think my understanding is as close to truth, as close to scripture as it can be...
I meet people who don't think the bible is to be taken literally, and others who would use the church as a happy, social part of life (and if at any point it doesn't fit that need, they don't hesitate to jump ship.) And I meet people who talk about loving Jesus, but not feeling a need to study scriptures or grow in their understanding of God, and still others who have all the head knowledge in the world about God and the bible, but I don't see it affecting their lives-- their actions and words and general behavior-- I don't see the change in their hearts, not even a little bit. I'm talking about the people I meet and interact with, the people around me who, like so many Americans, call themselves 'Christians' but really don't seem to be. After pondering for a few days, I've come upon the reason things seem grey:
from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll:
'Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable — "'
'Found what?' said the Duck.
'Found it,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what "it" means.'
'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?'
To "it", in this case, I might ascribe the meaning of the word "salvation", or perhaps "spiritual maturity" or "being a Christ-follower". I'm not talking about myself, here, so everyone can take a nice deep breath... I'm very secure in my salvation, my own understanding of maturity as it's described in the New Testament, and how I'm called to live my life in a way that's worthy of being labeled as a Christ-follower. But wherein lies the diction of these things? My own understanding of them comes from my life, my experiences, my education, doesn't it? And I'd like to think my understanding is as close to truth, as close to scripture as it can be...
I meet people who don't think the bible is to be taken literally, and others who would use the church as a happy, social part of life (and if at any point it doesn't fit that need, they don't hesitate to jump ship.) And I meet people who talk about loving Jesus, but not feeling a need to study scriptures or grow in their understanding of God, and still others who have all the head knowledge in the world about God and the bible, but I don't see it affecting their lives-- their actions and words and general behavior-- I don't see the change in their hearts, not even a little bit. I'm talking about the people I meet and interact with, the people around me who, like so many Americans, call themselves 'Christians' but really don't seem to be. After pondering for a few days, I've come upon the reason things seem grey:
I'm a crappy judge.
1 Samuel 16:7
"Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
There are cases, most definitely, when I can tangibly see evidence of whether or not a person has been redeemed. I gaze upon a completely misconstrued understanding of God and of the cross, or I look at the fruit of a Christian's life out of which the love of God overflows. But the thing is, I don't actually know. I only know where my own heart is; I can only be sure of my own salvation. And the people whose theology is perhaps twisted and skewed-- deviating from scriptures and what I know to be truth-- I will never truly know the condition of their hearts until I see them in heaven-- or I don't.
And I'm not here to discuss how we do or don't really know if people are saved, I'm here to talk about the practical application of my non-informedness. It breaks my heart... More than anything, I want to gush truth into these peoples' lives. I want them to see where they have erred and I want them to experience the joy of redemption and freedom in Christ, and of growing in their understanding of God. But pelting them with scripture and theology and apologetics, is that really what's best? What's most effective? What Christ would've done?
from Come Around by Jimmy Needham:
Maybe for a minute I can get back to the heart of it
Sure I've got zeal, but does love have a part in it?
Passionate words and beautiful phrases
They just don't mean much if I don't have Jesus in it
We pass out paper facts all week but they won't come around
We can debate theology but they won't come around Apologetic reasoning, but they won't come around, come around
There's only one way they'll come
and it's love.
1 Samuel 16:7
"Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
There are cases, most definitely, when I can tangibly see evidence of whether or not a person has been redeemed. I gaze upon a completely misconstrued understanding of God and of the cross, or I look at the fruit of a Christian's life out of which the love of God overflows. But the thing is, I don't actually know. I only know where my own heart is; I can only be sure of my own salvation. And the people whose theology is perhaps twisted and skewed-- deviating from scriptures and what I know to be truth-- I will never truly know the condition of their hearts until I see them in heaven-- or I don't.
And I'm not here to discuss how we do or don't really know if people are saved, I'm here to talk about the practical application of my non-informedness. It breaks my heart... More than anything, I want to gush truth into these peoples' lives. I want them to see where they have erred and I want them to experience the joy of redemption and freedom in Christ, and of growing in their understanding of God. But pelting them with scripture and theology and apologetics, is that really what's best? What's most effective? What Christ would've done?
from Come Around by Jimmy Needham:
Maybe for a minute I can get back to the heart of it
Sure I've got zeal, but does love have a part in it?
Passionate words and beautiful phrases
They just don't mean much if I don't have Jesus in it
We pass out paper facts all week but they won't come around
We can debate theology but they won't come around Apologetic reasoning, but they won't come around, come around
There's only one way they'll come
and it's love.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Use It.
This whole blog thing, I think it's good for me.
It's Vick's VapoRub for my soul, or something.
Okay, maybe not the best metaphor. Whatever, I'm trying to mull through a few ideas right now and string them together in the process. Forcing myself to write out my honest thoughts for others to see has been really hard for me. Which is odd, cause I'm incredibly vocal about my opinions 98.3% of the time. But it's these ideas-- and I now realize this is what Stephen King was talking about--- it's these complex issues I'm struggling with that get at the heart of me; the destitute truths buried down deep somewhere I'd rather not have exposed to sunlight... That's the stuff that people need to see, and it's also the stuff that's hardest to let people see.
It's much more comfortable for me to hide behind this facade of carefree lunacy and sarcasm, never taking anything seriously and bursting into laughter when anyone takes me seriously.. I promise that's genuinely a part of who I am, and both my creator and my brother have had profound influences on that part of me developing. But it nags at me sometimes, that some people only see that side of me. And there are weird quirks to my personality that I do need to mold; there are moments, quite frequently, when I, like every other sinful human being (which is all of us by the way), realize that I'm not being an accurate representation of my savior. Not even close. And it breaks my heart, little by little, until I feel that I shouldn't have this gift I didn't deserve in the first place-- Why didn't Jesus pick someone better suited to shed his light on an unbelieving world?
I was sitting in a doctor's office the other day, waiting for my name to be called and waiting to get more blood work run, and I overheard a woman talking with the receptionist about an elderly man they both knew. It was the woman's grandfather, and the receptionist had met him a few days before. And the way they described this man, the way he treated everyone around him... He would see someone looking a little down and, no matter where they were or who it was, he would take their hands and pray for them right there. His gift of kindness and gentle wisdom and a joyful spirit... I could close my eyes and picture his wrinkled, friendly smile just pouring out Jesus' love. They both spoke with such conviction about what an astonishingly godly man he was, the legacy his actions shouted from the rooftops.
I have these gifts, these seemingly random, sometimes frustrating gifts that my gracious Savior has blessed me with, that I occasionally shove to the back corner because I'm afraid to do what He created me for. I seem like the type of person who would love getting up on stage and performing... False.
I cry.
I cry just attempting to type how it makes me feel. Inadequate is the word the tempter is screaming at my subconscious.
When it comes to my gifts, I have an insatiable lust for perfection, recognition from others, satisfaction with myself... And it's crippling. It shouldn't be a hard way to bless others. Music. Art. Written works. It seems basic enough... But I am inherently either petrified of something not being good enough-- me not being good enough-- or, if by some miracle I'm satisfied with whatever it is that I'm doing, I completely soak up the glory and approval of those around me like a glass of ice water on a kansas summer's day, when the heat index is like 117 and it hasn't rained in two weeks. I cannot find balance. I cannot find balance on my own.
Cowardice and pride, two things that, for me, appear to be two conflicting feelings, are my two greatest sins. And it happens when I haven't centered everything I do around Christ.
I'm going to paint a picture today, and I'm going to paint it for my Savior, to bless and uplift those around me. I'm not going to punish and berate myself when it isn't perfect, and I'm going to rebound any praise I get right back at my Lord and Master, the Creator who is ultimately responsible for every single piece of fruit the labor of my tiny, uncoordinated hands that He has graciously given me produce. Thank God for my ability to even hold a paint brush. To even have a voice. To be able to convey my ideas. Nothing I do comes from me. NOTHING I DO COMES FROM ME. I am NOTHING. This life is NOT a story about me. I am a wave in the ocean. I am a speck of dust in the wind. I will be gone in the blink of an eye-- but with a shred of help from my Master, maybe my sinfully proud, feeble self can leave a glimpse of a legacy that glorifies Him, that points straight to the cross and undeniably cries out that Jesus rose; because that is the greatest and most noble thing I, or anyone, could possibly accomplish in this life.
Also, who am I kidding? Vick's VapoRub is SUCH an accurate metaphor.
It's Vick's VapoRub for my soul, or something.
Okay, maybe not the best metaphor. Whatever, I'm trying to mull through a few ideas right now and string them together in the process. Forcing myself to write out my honest thoughts for others to see has been really hard for me. Which is odd, cause I'm incredibly vocal about my opinions 98.3% of the time. But it's these ideas-- and I now realize this is what Stephen King was talking about--- it's these complex issues I'm struggling with that get at the heart of me; the destitute truths buried down deep somewhere I'd rather not have exposed to sunlight... That's the stuff that people need to see, and it's also the stuff that's hardest to let people see.
It's much more comfortable for me to hide behind this facade of carefree lunacy and sarcasm, never taking anything seriously and bursting into laughter when anyone takes me seriously.. I promise that's genuinely a part of who I am, and both my creator and my brother have had profound influences on that part of me developing. But it nags at me sometimes, that some people only see that side of me. And there are weird quirks to my personality that I do need to mold; there are moments, quite frequently, when I, like every other sinful human being (which is all of us by the way), realize that I'm not being an accurate representation of my savior. Not even close. And it breaks my heart, little by little, until I feel that I shouldn't have this gift I didn't deserve in the first place-- Why didn't Jesus pick someone better suited to shed his light on an unbelieving world?
I was sitting in a doctor's office the other day, waiting for my name to be called and waiting to get more blood work run, and I overheard a woman talking with the receptionist about an elderly man they both knew. It was the woman's grandfather, and the receptionist had met him a few days before. And the way they described this man, the way he treated everyone around him... He would see someone looking a little down and, no matter where they were or who it was, he would take their hands and pray for them right there. His gift of kindness and gentle wisdom and a joyful spirit... I could close my eyes and picture his wrinkled, friendly smile just pouring out Jesus' love. They both spoke with such conviction about what an astonishingly godly man he was, the legacy his actions shouted from the rooftops.
I have these gifts, these seemingly random, sometimes frustrating gifts that my gracious Savior has blessed me with, that I occasionally shove to the back corner because I'm afraid to do what He created me for. I seem like the type of person who would love getting up on stage and performing... False.
I cry.
I cry just attempting to type how it makes me feel. Inadequate is the word the tempter is screaming at my subconscious.
When it comes to my gifts, I have an insatiable lust for perfection, recognition from others, satisfaction with myself... And it's crippling. It shouldn't be a hard way to bless others. Music. Art. Written works. It seems basic enough... But I am inherently either petrified of something not being good enough-- me not being good enough-- or, if by some miracle I'm satisfied with whatever it is that I'm doing, I completely soak up the glory and approval of those around me like a glass of ice water on a kansas summer's day, when the heat index is like 117 and it hasn't rained in two weeks. I cannot find balance. I cannot find balance on my own.
Cowardice and pride, two things that, for me, appear to be two conflicting feelings, are my two greatest sins. And it happens when I haven't centered everything I do around Christ.
I'm going to paint a picture today, and I'm going to paint it for my Savior, to bless and uplift those around me. I'm not going to punish and berate myself when it isn't perfect, and I'm going to rebound any praise I get right back at my Lord and Master, the Creator who is ultimately responsible for every single piece of fruit the labor of my tiny, uncoordinated hands that He has graciously given me produce. Thank God for my ability to even hold a paint brush. To even have a voice. To be able to convey my ideas. Nothing I do comes from me. NOTHING I DO COMES FROM ME. I am NOTHING. This life is NOT a story about me. I am a wave in the ocean. I am a speck of dust in the wind. I will be gone in the blink of an eye-- but with a shred of help from my Master, maybe my sinfully proud, feeble self can leave a glimpse of a legacy that glorifies Him, that points straight to the cross and undeniably cries out that Jesus rose; because that is the greatest and most noble thing I, or anyone, could possibly accomplish in this life.
Also, who am I kidding? Vick's VapoRub is SUCH an accurate metaphor.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Hurry Ruins.
“Many poets are not poets for the same reason that many religious men are not saints: they never succeed in being themselves. They never get around to being the particular poet or the particular monk they are intended to be by God. They never become the man or the artist who is called for by all the circumstances of their individual lives. They waste their years in vain efforts to be some other poet, some other saint...They wear out their minds and bodies in a hopeless endeavor to have somebody else's experiences or write somebody else's poems. There can be an intense egoism in following everybody else. People are in a hurry to magnify themselves by imitating what is popular - and too lazy to think of anything better. Hurry ruins saints as well as artists. They want quick success and they are in such haste to get it that they cannot take time to be true to themselves. And when the madness is upon them they argue that their very haste is a species of integrity."
~ Thomas Merton
Monday, April 30, 2012
It's somewhat surreal
...that I'm sitting by a roaring campfire, looking at a sky full of stars, and I'm posting a blog by using my phone. I can't be the only one who thinks... Wow. That's crazy. I think we continue to take for granted the technological advances. Just like we take for granted the star-filled sky overhead. To say this sky is beautiful is an understatement. To say it is awe-inspiring is not enough. To say it is mesmerizing is true but not close to accurate.
Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens. Your faithfulness to the skies. (Psalm 36:5)
For as amazing and big and vast and awe-inspiring and mesmerizing and beautiful this sky is... God's love is bigger. And just when I think I can focus on how big it is, God's love is bigger still. And then you think of 1 Corinthians 13 that says Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude or self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always trusts, always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Then... I think about it again but every time I say the word Love or It, I put in God's name... Or Jesus' Name... And then I stare up at this big ol' sky and go ... Wow! Thanks God for loving me this much. Thanks for loving me regardless, in spite of my faults, through good times and bad...and so on.
Maybe you can go take a peak outside tonight or tomorrow night and catch a glimpse of how big the sky is...and how big His love for you is... It's a lil surreal...
Monday, April 16, 2012
Let him love you as you are
A raw, genuine prayer from a prostitute who is simply herself before Jesus, swearwords and all, ministers more to the heart of the Father than all of the rote, religious lip-service coming forth from the mouth of many Christians today.
Your Dad doesn’t want you to pretend or try to be someone else when you talk to Him.
Let Him love you as you are, with all your fears, your insecurities, your worries, and personal shortcomings.
It is not your job to clean yourself up.
The Father’s desire is to lovingly remind you how clean His sacrifice has already made you and help you walk in that reality more and more every day.
Your Dad doesn’t want you to pretend or try to be someone else when you talk to Him.
Let Him love you as you are, with all your fears, your insecurities, your worries, and personal shortcomings.
It is not your job to clean yourself up.
The Father’s desire is to lovingly remind you how clean His sacrifice has already made you and help you walk in that reality more and more every day.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Just Like That.
Let me tell you a story about this girl i know.
She had friends. Tons of them.
Everyone knew her name, they knew her interests they knew her stories,
and her jokes, and some of them even knew her secrets.
She was known for her smile.
She was a mediator, a dreamer, and known for her sweet attitude.
She was loved, but no one saw what was underneath. None of them saw that that smile was often faked, that that pain was often masked, that underneath that armor of new clothes and laughter was an insecure, jealous, needy, emotional monster.
She went through her days trying not to hurt anyone--physically or verbally--but she also went through her days carrying her heavy armor around, covering herself up from the world, trying not to reveal anything that would make her appear weak or wrong or that anyone could use against her.
That armor wore her down. Carrying twice her weight, she grew slower and weaker.
She wasnt acheiving anything anymore.
She wasnt motivated, she didnt even have a goal anymore.
She had lost all sense of direction and she didnt even have the energy to think about where she was going.
She'd rather just wander aimlessly through the woods, through the thorns, tripping over treestumps and rocks and branches, simply breaking herself down more. Wandering with lack of food and water, she quickly grew thirsty. She searched and searched for water to quench that thirst. She grew so thirsty that she would settle for anything to drink, even a dirty, mossy pond full of unclear water that would simply make her sick.
This girl? Me.
I wear this armor. All the time i wear this armor that covers up all my flaws, but the armor is getting heavier and heavier and i just cant carry it anymore.
I grew so thirsty. So thirsty for love and attention and acceptance that id settle for just about anything to quench that thirst. Now dont get me wrong, i have love and attention and acceptance. I know that and im so thankful for that. I have loving family and friends in my life and i couldnt ask for anything more from them. But this need was bigger than that. This need was crushing me from the insides out.
I felt my heart caving in and then all the rest of me crumbling to pieces.
The thirst could not be filled no matter how much love and acceptance and attention i received. That thirst might have been partially quenched for a short period of time, but it wasnt fulfillment that lasted.
Each time the search to fulfill that thirst grew stronger and bigger and little sips werent enough to quench it anymore, so i walked out deeper and deeper into the pond by day, but suprisingly enough that quenched me less and less than the simple sips. So i did what any other logical person would have done; I lied to myself.
I told myself i was happy, that i wasnt thirsty, and figured that if i said it long enough i just might start to believe it, But that didnt work either.
I started going deeper; but that didnt work either, that just broke me more inside. I lied to myself and i lied to everyone who loved me.
Anyways, that thirst came back again, so i plunged into that pond, head first, armor and all, But this time something different happened; I started to sink.
This time i couldnt hold myself up. I couldnt hold myself above water.
That armor pulled me down and pulled me under, I gasped for air. I couldnt keep my breath.
As i was about to give up i opened my eyes and saw a hand reaching for mine.
I grasped on and now theres no way i could ever let go.
He saved me.
Jesus saved me.
Im still unsure, on occasion i still fake smiles, i still mask pain.. thats just who i am. I dont trust myself, but i almost feel thats more of a blessing, because if i did i wouldnt ever rely on God, would i? I have enough of a problem with that as it is.
I was drowning in my own lies.
Drowning in my own insecurites.
Drowning in my own pain and fears.
Until one day when i finally acknowledged him reaching out his hand for me. I just decided that day that i didnt want to live that way anymore, and so i changed... Just like that.
Jesus saved me.
Awe is why i grab the pen and beauty is why i scratch it down and all his lighting glory is why i muzzle the voices that say i cant or shouldnt or mustnt because he is my blaze and he is my burn and i cannot be muzzled because what can keep me from telling once the eyes have seen?
She had friends. Tons of them.
Everyone knew her name, they knew her interests they knew her stories,
and her jokes, and some of them even knew her secrets.
She was known for her smile.
She was a mediator, a dreamer, and known for her sweet attitude.
She was loved, but no one saw what was underneath. None of them saw that that smile was often faked, that that pain was often masked, that underneath that armor of new clothes and laughter was an insecure, jealous, needy, emotional monster.
She went through her days trying not to hurt anyone--physically or verbally--but she also went through her days carrying her heavy armor around, covering herself up from the world, trying not to reveal anything that would make her appear weak or wrong or that anyone could use against her.
That armor wore her down. Carrying twice her weight, she grew slower and weaker.
She wasnt acheiving anything anymore.
She wasnt motivated, she didnt even have a goal anymore.
She had lost all sense of direction and she didnt even have the energy to think about where she was going.
She'd rather just wander aimlessly through the woods, through the thorns, tripping over treestumps and rocks and branches, simply breaking herself down more. Wandering with lack of food and water, she quickly grew thirsty. She searched and searched for water to quench that thirst. She grew so thirsty that she would settle for anything to drink, even a dirty, mossy pond full of unclear water that would simply make her sick.
This girl? Me.
I wear this armor. All the time i wear this armor that covers up all my flaws, but the armor is getting heavier and heavier and i just cant carry it anymore.
I grew so thirsty. So thirsty for love and attention and acceptance that id settle for just about anything to quench that thirst. Now dont get me wrong, i have love and attention and acceptance. I know that and im so thankful for that. I have loving family and friends in my life and i couldnt ask for anything more from them. But this need was bigger than that. This need was crushing me from the insides out.
I felt my heart caving in and then all the rest of me crumbling to pieces.
The thirst could not be filled no matter how much love and acceptance and attention i received. That thirst might have been partially quenched for a short period of time, but it wasnt fulfillment that lasted.
Each time the search to fulfill that thirst grew stronger and bigger and little sips werent enough to quench it anymore, so i walked out deeper and deeper into the pond by day, but suprisingly enough that quenched me less and less than the simple sips. So i did what any other logical person would have done; I lied to myself.
I told myself i was happy, that i wasnt thirsty, and figured that if i said it long enough i just might start to believe it, But that didnt work either.
I started going deeper; but that didnt work either, that just broke me more inside. I lied to myself and i lied to everyone who loved me.
Anyways, that thirst came back again, so i plunged into that pond, head first, armor and all, But this time something different happened; I started to sink.
This time i couldnt hold myself up. I couldnt hold myself above water.
That armor pulled me down and pulled me under, I gasped for air. I couldnt keep my breath.
As i was about to give up i opened my eyes and saw a hand reaching for mine.
I grasped on and now theres no way i could ever let go.
He saved me.
Jesus saved me.
Im still unsure, on occasion i still fake smiles, i still mask pain.. thats just who i am. I dont trust myself, but i almost feel thats more of a blessing, because if i did i wouldnt ever rely on God, would i? I have enough of a problem with that as it is.
I was drowning in my own lies.
Drowning in my own insecurites.
Drowning in my own pain and fears.
Until one day when i finally acknowledged him reaching out his hand for me. I just decided that day that i didnt want to live that way anymore, and so i changed... Just like that.
Jesus saved me.
Awe is why i grab the pen and beauty is why i scratch it down and all his lighting glory is why i muzzle the voices that say i cant or shouldnt or mustnt because he is my blaze and he is my burn and i cannot be muzzled because what can keep me from telling once the eyes have seen?
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Contentment; Revel In Today
I think contentment is the art of looking at the present the way you look at the past and the future. We look back at the past, having let all the insignificant annoyances fall away. We imagine the future as a bright and rosy time that will have no annoyances at all. Instead of spending all your time imagining a flawless future, or wishing to get back a (supposedly) flawless past, try and look at your present circumstances in the same way. Let the dross fall away now, and be content now. It takes real discernment to be able to see what details are actually insignificant. You can’t (and you shouldn’t) pretend like the annoyances aren’t there. But you can try to see them in perspective. You can laugh at them. You can see them as the dross they are. You can decide to not let them distract you from the gold. You can decide to not let them dominate you. Because how tragic is it to go through every day, missing the beauty of the moment because you’re too busy re-imagining yesterday’s beautiful moment – and wishing for tomorrow’s beautiful moment. Try and revel in what God is giving you right this minute.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Define Beauty
Almost crumbling to the ground, she stopped. Looking at how far she had traveled and all it had taken to get there, she recognized her strength. The strengths she had inside of her, the strengths she had gained along the way- her inner power. And so she stood up; standing tall, she faced forward and continued on.
Highschool changes people. Some for the worse, some for the better. Lucky for me, I changed for the better, all because I hit rock bottom, and boy am I glad I did. Before that bottoming out, everything had to be "perfect." I expected more from myself than was possible. I held myself to an impossible standard, and that standard got higher and higher. But even higher than my standard was society's standard... It was scary, intimidating. A 13 year old girl facing society's standards. Society tells us as girls that we have to be perfect, that we have to look like celebrities, that we need to be thinner, and that pores don't exist.
We see models that weigh 80 pounds, yet they're still edited to be thinner. WE CANNOT GET ANY THINNER THAN THAT. Girls, Anorexia and bulimia are normal things in our generation, and that breaks my heart... But it also hits close to home. I, personally, have experienced it first hand. We see women that are so photoshopped that they don't even look like themselves anymore, and something inside us makes us strive to be like them... When really WHY WOULD WE WANT TO BE? Since when is starving to death beauty?
Society tells us we need to be perfect, but then shows us there's no way we'll ever be.. Even celebrities aren't good enough. They have to be edited and thinned, even after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on their faces and starving themselves.
Society disappoints me. It tells 13 year old girls that they need makeup, and boys, and they need to be perfect for people to like them. But something I've never understood is what's so great about being perfect? Whats so interesting and intriguing about looking just right? I think part of it is that we all live and die through everyone else's eyes. We seek acceptance, and love, and we somehow think that perfection is a way to get both of those.
I started wearing makeup at age twelve. TWELVE, PEOPLE. Society told me that I needed it. I fought to be perfect on the outside, and through that battle my inside became ugly. I swapped my internal beauty for external... And external never grew as much as my internal beauty ever was. I wore that makeup to be beautiful.
But ladies, i have a NEWSFLASH for you: Your makeup is NOT what makes you beautiful.
I see such beautiful girls around me that are so sad. Sometimes I just cant help but wonder how they stay so sad when they're so beautiful... But it's because they see society's idea of beauty, instead of Gods. They see that they'll never be good enough.
What makes you beautiful is how you act, how you carry yourself, how you treat others, and ultimately how you treat yourself. A pretty girl has nothing if she has an ugly heart. If you're constantly dressing yourself to attract guys then yeah, you're gonna attract them... But they're never gonna be the guys you really want. I often wonder, if more girls would step up and be ladies, if more boys would step in and be men... But thats a whole 'nother post. No ones above a little love, but its where we search for that love that makes all the difference.Wait for God to bring the right person, and I mean that. Don't settle. You need to respect yourself before the people around you can respect you. And I don't mean you should get cocky and see yourself as the greatest thing in the world, but you should realize that you're GODS CREATION and treat yourself accordingly. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're worthless, because God created you.. He has a purpose for your life. And don't ever let society tell you who to be, because thinking too much of what others think about you ultimately changes what you think about yourself. It changes who you are as a whole.
For the longest time I tried to be perfect. Every day I wanted to look just right, so people would like me... And I think a big part of it was so that maybe people wouldn't see through that "perfect shell" to see the real me. But why was I hiding the real me in the first place? Now I see that God created me, and there's nothing about flaws and weaknesses to hide, because he is made perfect in my weaknesses. We relate to eachother in our weaknesses, so why hide them?
Another thing I realized was that by putting up the shell, I was also covering my strengths, and my joy from God. I was covering myself as a whole.. Not just my weaknesses, and why would I ever want to cover up who I am?
If someone wont be your friend because you "arent good enough" then why would you want to be their friend in the first place?
Now I dare to live with my heart wide open. I live in a way that people see me, and only me.. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, to impress people. I'm who I am, so that I can glorify christ in my weaknesses, and my strengths.
My idea of beauty has drastically changed over the years, and along with that I've changed as a person. I've gained an appreciation for who God made me to be, and along with that comes an appreciation for the beauty of everything around me. I see a new reflection in the mirror.
I ask you, to not be so hard on yourself, And to for yourself find out what your definition of beauty is. I ask you to stop listening to society and instead being who you are in Christ. Make a serious, conscious effort to stop comparing yourself to others. Because darling, you deserve so much better.
"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens." -Carl Jung
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
Think about it.
Highschool changes people. Some for the worse, some for the better. Lucky for me, I changed for the better, all because I hit rock bottom, and boy am I glad I did. Before that bottoming out, everything had to be "perfect." I expected more from myself than was possible. I held myself to an impossible standard, and that standard got higher and higher. But even higher than my standard was society's standard... It was scary, intimidating. A 13 year old girl facing society's standards. Society tells us as girls that we have to be perfect, that we have to look like celebrities, that we need to be thinner, and that pores don't exist.
We see models that weigh 80 pounds, yet they're still edited to be thinner. WE CANNOT GET ANY THINNER THAN THAT. Girls, Anorexia and bulimia are normal things in our generation, and that breaks my heart... But it also hits close to home. I, personally, have experienced it first hand. We see women that are so photoshopped that they don't even look like themselves anymore, and something inside us makes us strive to be like them... When really WHY WOULD WE WANT TO BE? Since when is starving to death beauty?
Society tells us we need to be perfect, but then shows us there's no way we'll ever be.. Even celebrities aren't good enough. They have to be edited and thinned, even after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on their faces and starving themselves.
Society disappoints me. It tells 13 year old girls that they need makeup, and boys, and they need to be perfect for people to like them. But something I've never understood is what's so great about being perfect? Whats so interesting and intriguing about looking just right? I think part of it is that we all live and die through everyone else's eyes. We seek acceptance, and love, and we somehow think that perfection is a way to get both of those.
I started wearing makeup at age twelve. TWELVE, PEOPLE. Society told me that I needed it. I fought to be perfect on the outside, and through that battle my inside became ugly. I swapped my internal beauty for external... And external never grew as much as my internal beauty ever was. I wore that makeup to be beautiful.
But ladies, i have a NEWSFLASH for you: Your makeup is NOT what makes you beautiful.
I see such beautiful girls around me that are so sad. Sometimes I just cant help but wonder how they stay so sad when they're so beautiful... But it's because they see society's idea of beauty, instead of Gods. They see that they'll never be good enough.
What makes you beautiful is how you act, how you carry yourself, how you treat others, and ultimately how you treat yourself. A pretty girl has nothing if she has an ugly heart. If you're constantly dressing yourself to attract guys then yeah, you're gonna attract them... But they're never gonna be the guys you really want. I often wonder, if more girls would step up and be ladies, if more boys would step in and be men... But thats a whole 'nother post. No ones above a little love, but its where we search for that love that makes all the difference.Wait for God to bring the right person, and I mean that. Don't settle. You need to respect yourself before the people around you can respect you. And I don't mean you should get cocky and see yourself as the greatest thing in the world, but you should realize that you're GODS CREATION and treat yourself accordingly. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're worthless, because God created you.. He has a purpose for your life. And don't ever let society tell you who to be, because thinking too much of what others think about you ultimately changes what you think about yourself. It changes who you are as a whole.
For the longest time I tried to be perfect. Every day I wanted to look just right, so people would like me... And I think a big part of it was so that maybe people wouldn't see through that "perfect shell" to see the real me. But why was I hiding the real me in the first place? Now I see that God created me, and there's nothing about flaws and weaknesses to hide, because he is made perfect in my weaknesses. We relate to eachother in our weaknesses, so why hide them?
Another thing I realized was that by putting up the shell, I was also covering my strengths, and my joy from God. I was covering myself as a whole.. Not just my weaknesses, and why would I ever want to cover up who I am?
If someone wont be your friend because you "arent good enough" then why would you want to be their friend in the first place?
Now I dare to live with my heart wide open. I live in a way that people see me, and only me.. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, to impress people. I'm who I am, so that I can glorify christ in my weaknesses, and my strengths.
My idea of beauty has drastically changed over the years, and along with that I've changed as a person. I've gained an appreciation for who God made me to be, and along with that comes an appreciation for the beauty of everything around me. I see a new reflection in the mirror.
I ask you, to not be so hard on yourself, And to for yourself find out what your definition of beauty is. I ask you to stop listening to society and instead being who you are in Christ. Make a serious, conscious effort to stop comparing yourself to others. Because darling, you deserve so much better.
"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens." -Carl Jung
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
Think about it.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Sting
"I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made for figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently." -Donald Miller
Correction, growth, refinement. I have this inherent, burning desire to see myself progress. There's a lengthy list of flaws that need to be pruned. I'm prideful. Unkind. Lazy, irresponsible, rude, and above all, selfish. Perhaps you haven't noticed... Perhaps I hide it all quite skillfully. I certainly hope not; I want to be open and vulnerable about my failures, because it's what makes me human, and it's what makes the cross so sweet. As a Christ-follower I can step out of the shadows and reveal my faults; that's when they're washed away. When I'm weak, then I am strong. It's hard, though. I mean, who really wants to shout their flaws from the rooftops? It doesn't sound too terribly appetizing... That gets me thinking, though--- if at any point I'm not willing to openly confess that my heart is rotting in sin from the inside out--- Do I really want to be transformed? When I'm transparent about my sin, it brings glory to God through what Christ is doing in my life. Isn't my silence really just me denying, holding onto that which I don't want to admit or give up? I occasionally have to reassess, then, if that's truly what I'm looking for. I can honestly say that I want change, but I think sometimes I'd prefer if that change wasn't internal. Sanctification is hard: it stings. It's not what we want by nature. It's going against the grain; it's dragging yourself upstream--- against the current--- toward something that, you have to remind yourself repeatedly, is actually better for you. I catch myself desiring change in my life (instead of in my heart) simply because I'm not content with my current circumstances. But I'm not content with the circumstances God has placed me in because of a deeper issue. This world is tainted by sin and will never satisfy any of us-- so where should I be finding my contentment, really?
God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
20/20
I'm struggling.
I'm struggling with the state of the world around me.
But more importantly, I'm struggling with the state of my own undeserving heart.
The more I know of God, the more obvious my own inadequacy becomes.
Which makes sense, right?
You think your socks are clean until you buy a new pair.
They're a pure, dazzling, flawless white. And your old socks, though freshly washed, don't seem so perfect anymore. And they won't-- not ever again. Because you thought you knew what "white" meant before that trip to Target; you really did. But now you know you were wrong.
You think you see the world as it is until you get glasses for the first time.
And suddenly you realize those green blobs you've been staring at are leaves. And you can see eyelashes, and fine print, and the grain of your hardwood floors in a bright new crispness that you never knew existed. And can you ever go back to life without glasses? Impossible-- because now YOU SEE HOW BLIND YOU WERE.
And ain't that the truth?
The more glimpses we catch of the absolute love, power and holiness of our Creator...
The more apparent our own crappiness becomes.
And the more we comprehend our depravity...
The more we clearly see our desperate need to cling to the cross.
Which is why it's hard for me to see people who say they love God reacting differently to His majesty. And I've thought over this and wrestled with risking sounding prideful, but here it is:
If you really know Jesus, and you really see what He went through, and you really comprehend that He did it BECAUSE of you --willingly-- for your sake and the sake of humanity.... How can you see yourself as more righteous than others who don't know what you know?
THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE
THAT THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD WAS CRUCIFIED FOR THEIR FOLLIES.
you do.
If you are what you say you are, then you've tasted the reality of Christ's unbelievable grace in your life. And that shouldn't make us feel superior to other people---
it should make us fall down on our faces and mourn.
Like, wail in agony over the fact that,
WE ARE THE THORNS IN HIS CROWN
WE ARE THE BEADS OF SWEAT ON HIS BROW
WE ARE THE NAILS IN HIS WRISTS
and He loves us anyway.
Which is the most amazing fact ever. But that shouldn't make you feel like you've received forgiveness because you're somehow better than others. We should feel overwhelmingly loved, yes-- but also overwhelmingly humbled that He chose to save us. US! In the rotten, sinful, unworthy state we were in. You know what else is cool? You have a brand new pair of glasses with which to inspect your old, nasty, stained socks; as we understand more of God, it isn't our pride that should increase...
it's our humility.
"That's why we love Jesus so much more than religion.
Religion is only for the good people, that's what they think.
Those who are religious and think they're good, they're the worst of all.
Jesus is for everyone else; the sinners, the broken, the rebels,
the hard-hearted, stiff-necked nobodies from nowhere;
the illiterate, the poor, the outcasts,
the marginalized, weak failures....
If we deserved His gift, it wouldn't be grace.
You know that Jesus wants to be with you,
not because you are amazing, but because He is?
He is the God of grace."
I'm struggling with the state of the world around me.
But more importantly, I'm struggling with the state of my own undeserving heart.
The more I know of God, the more obvious my own inadequacy becomes.
Which makes sense, right?
You think your socks are clean until you buy a new pair.
They're a pure, dazzling, flawless white. And your old socks, though freshly washed, don't seem so perfect anymore. And they won't-- not ever again. Because you thought you knew what "white" meant before that trip to Target; you really did. But now you know you were wrong.
You think you see the world as it is until you get glasses for the first time.
And suddenly you realize those green blobs you've been staring at are leaves. And you can see eyelashes, and fine print, and the grain of your hardwood floors in a bright new crispness that you never knew existed. And can you ever go back to life without glasses? Impossible-- because now YOU SEE HOW BLIND YOU WERE.
And ain't that the truth?
The more glimpses we catch of the absolute love, power and holiness of our Creator...
The more apparent our own crappiness becomes.
And the more we comprehend our depravity...
The more we clearly see our desperate need to cling to the cross.
Which is why it's hard for me to see people who say they love God reacting differently to His majesty. And I've thought over this and wrestled with risking sounding prideful, but here it is:
If you really know Jesus, and you really see what He went through, and you really comprehend that He did it BECAUSE of you --willingly-- for your sake and the sake of humanity.... How can you see yourself as more righteous than others who don't know what you know?
THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE
THAT THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD WAS CRUCIFIED FOR THEIR FOLLIES.
you do.
If you are what you say you are, then you've tasted the reality of Christ's unbelievable grace in your life. And that shouldn't make us feel superior to other people---
it should make us fall down on our faces and mourn.
Like, wail in agony over the fact that,
WE ARE THE THORNS IN HIS CROWN
WE ARE THE BEADS OF SWEAT ON HIS BROW
WE ARE THE NAILS IN HIS WRISTS
and He loves us anyway.
Which is the most amazing fact ever. But that shouldn't make you feel like you've received forgiveness because you're somehow better than others. We should feel overwhelmingly loved, yes-- but also overwhelmingly humbled that He chose to save us. US! In the rotten, sinful, unworthy state we were in. You know what else is cool? You have a brand new pair of glasses with which to inspect your old, nasty, stained socks; as we understand more of God, it isn't our pride that should increase...
it's our humility.
"That's why we love Jesus so much more than religion.
Religion is only for the good people, that's what they think.
Those who are religious and think they're good, they're the worst of all.
Jesus is for everyone else; the sinners, the broken, the rebels,
the hard-hearted, stiff-necked nobodies from nowhere;
the illiterate, the poor, the outcasts,
the marginalized, weak failures....
If we deserved His gift, it wouldn't be grace.
You know that Jesus wants to be with you,
not because you are amazing, but because He is?
He is the God of grace."
Religion Versus Jesus
There's a problem if people only know youre a Christian by your facebook....
The church is a hospital for the broken.
Monday, December 5, 2011
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Friday, November 18, 2011
What is it about him?
The more I read the Word,
the more I realize how filthy and pathetic I am.
The more I see of my own shortcomings,
the more I want to follow the example of Christ.
The more I learn about Jesus,
the more undeserving I feel.
The more I realize my own unworthiness,
the more I understand how overwhelmingly loved I am.
And the more I see God's perfect, selfless love,
the more I want to read His Word.
WHAT is it about him?!
What is it about Christ that draws me irresistibly to him?
Despite having light shed on my filthiness, shortcomings, and unworthiness...
I can't stay away.
I know i do bad things and I know I'm not a good person.
Anyone who thinks they're a good person is lying to themselves...
But then there's this guy who was actually perfect,
and he chose to go and get himself crucified.
And then he said that it was for me;
for the stuff I've done.
And that what he did washes all that crap away.
And if I could, in my selfishness,
I think I'd prefer to take that 'get outta Hell free card'
and leave this crazy radical to his ethereal schemes,
continuing to live my life the way I want to.
But something about him just doesn't let me do that.
Something about his bleeding, broken body
calls me back to the foot of the cross
to gaze at his horrific suffering and death,
and just...
Worship.
Cry out.
Be humbled.
Mourn over my sin.
Give up control of my live.
Repent and turn from my disgusting monstrosities.
Learn and grow in my understanding of the Creator of the universe.
And fight against my evil nature until the day I'm called home.
His irresistible, selfless, undeserved love draws me in,
making me hate myself,
while giving me the ability,
the strength,
the conviction,
and the desire
to change who I am.
Submit yourselves therefore to God.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
Cleanse your hands, you sinners,
and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
Be wretched and mourn and weep.
Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
Humble yourselves before the Lord,
and he will exalt you.
James 4:7
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