You are loved

She put on the blue and white ruffled Cinderella dress and her dimpled cheeks burst into a smile. Her bright eyes danced as she happily squealed and spun around in a circle. The 3 year old little doll beamed with delight as she spun around the house and giggled at the very idea of being a princess. As she smiled and twirled, I spun her around in a circle. I realized that her delight in being a beautiful princess was the very same desire in my heart, and in yours. Women, even at the youngest of ages, have within them an innate longing to be special, beautiful, and loved.

In the last year, the Lord has taken me through a season in my life where I've lost a lot of things I found my identity in. All my life, I held onto certain things that made me "Anna." Then suddenly... things took a different turn than I had planned or anticipated. Not just a few things. ALL of the things. All of the things that made me ME (in my eyes) were dropping out of my life, one by one... like flies. It was similar to the sensation of cupping sand in your hands and feeling it slowly, but ever so surely, run out. And you can do nothing but watch.

And suddenly there I stood... just me. I was no longer Anna the best friend, or Anna the girly girl. I wasn't nearly as confident and my interests completely changed. I was lonely and tired and it scared me. I felt panicked at the thought, honestly. A million questions swirled around in my mind in the dark of night as I lay in my bed. I felt like I was losing it. And all the while, the Lord was whispering...

"I love you, I made you. You are MINE."

And in this season, He's taught me something.
Something that made the loneliness worth it. The loss worth it. The pain oh so worth it.

He showed me that I am not defined or made valuable by what I do or things I have.
My worth lies in one thing and one thing alone: I am extravagantly loved by God.

Always remember that you are not just the things you do, the clothes you wear, the job you have.
You are worth much more.
ALL of who you are.
And He loves every part of you.

The woman you are on the outside...
How people see you. Strangers you pass by, your colleagues. The blonde, brunette. The one with pretty eyes. The nurse, the secretary, the teacher, the student. Athletic. Homeschooler. Singer. Tall. Short. Pretty. Cute.

The woman your friends know...
A deeper part of you, but certainly not the whole you. The one with that fabulous smile. The really good listener. The faithful friend. The hard worker. The one who has money. The fabulous party thrower. The one who's always late. The coffee drinker.

The woman your brother, sister, and your best friend know. The one your mom knows...
The dreamer. The over-achiever. the shy one. the pushover. the doubter. the avoider. the leader. the bossy one. the flirt. the closet writer. the extrovert. the disorganized disaster. the insecure one.

And then, there is that secret part of you.... the part no one knows.
No one...but you and God.
The abused little girl. the broken-hearted one. The one who wants to run away.
Your worst fear, the one you're afraid to even utter. The way he used you so unfairly. The way you hate your body.
The people who judge you...but they have no clue what you've been through.
The anger that boils your blood over what he did. The eating disorder that has terrorized you for as long as you can remember. The secret thing you did, the awful thing...you wish you could forget.
The regret you have over that one choice. That one decision that changed everything. The hurt so deep, the words spoken, the accusations made...that haunt you. The secret wish you made when you blew out that candle on your last birthday... that was really a prayer for a better life.

The way you look. The way you feel. The fat days. The acne flare-ups. Even when you have no makeup on, when your hair is piled on top of your head.

He loves you.

Your insecurities about how you look in men's eyes. Your flabby abs. The bags under your eyes. The way you laugh. The way you feel out of place at parties. The mornings you sit and talk to Him, the prayers you pray. The craziest dreams you have. The ones you can't imagine actually coming true. The mistakes you made and cried over. The reasons your friends disowned you. The days you feel plain.

He loves you.
He loves all of who you are.

Don't listen to the lies anymore.
Those voices that do not speak truth.
The "You're ugly, you're worthless and no one will ever love you. You're not the type of girl the guys like. You're awkward. You're fat. You're boring. You have nothing good to say and your dreams will not come true."

Hear this: You are beautiful to Him.

Perfect Timing

Sometimes, waiting on God is hard. Waiting in general is hard.. and at the very least, not the most fun thing ever.

In all honesty, I've been struggling with that "waiting" the last month or so. It's hard to share that, because let's face it - it's much easier to say it's always a breeze. To seem perfectly content. But that's just not real life. On this little space, I feel called to share my heart on the topic of waiting. Waiting on God's timing and following His plan for our lives - specifically in the area of relationships and matters of the heart. I believe that waiting on God, giving Him the "pen" to write your life (and love) story is a precious thing. He will not ever let us down! He is completely trustworthy. I believe that He has the absolute best plan for my life, and I gave my life and heart to Him a very long time ago and I have never, ever looked back. I feel prompted and moved to write my honest struggles today, even though it's hard to be real sometimes about what we face - but I pray that you who read this, whoever you are, may find encouragement as you walk on this path of waiting.

Sometimes, I struggle. Sometimes, I doubt Him. Honestly, I do.

Life can be lonely. It can be happy and fulfilling and really fun, but it can certainly be lonely. Sometimes, the security of a relationship and the thrill of over-the-moon love is what your heart desires.

There are seasons of emotion. Some days you are happy and embracing all the good and the learning, but some days are more difficult and loneliness colors the hours.

"Grant me serenity to accept things, the things I cannot change.
Grant me to courage, Lord, to change what I can - wisdom to know the difference.
In my weakness You can shine, in Your strength I can fly.
And You make everything, everything beautiful.
You make everything, everything new!
In it's time, in Your time - it's beautiful.
Grant me serenity, Lord, and patience for things will take time.
Grant me freedom to walk a new path and let me feel Your love.
In my weakness, You can shine. In Your strength, I can fly."
-Rebecca St. James

Precious. Friend, whatever you are waiting for. Maybe you're waiting for your heart to heal. Maybe you're waiting for your dream to come true. Or for direction for your life, for an open door. Or for a breakthrough. Remember - nothing really good comes easily. It takes work, prayer, sacrifice... and waiting. He makes everything beautiful in it's time. In His time.

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time."
-Ecclesiastes 3:11

Waiting has it's beauty.
And the culmination of that waiting, it's beautiful too.
So I smile and embrace my life, knowing it could change overnight and we don't know what the future holds, but we know WHO holds our future.
Because God is the One who opens doors and closes them.
And we can trust His timing.
I encourage you to embrace your waiting season, too. Whatever it is.
Because, we are never alone - because He is with us.