It's In his Hands

Im done. No more worrying about drama, about school and about people. I'm giving everything to you God. Everything i want, everything i need, everything i was, am, and will be, is in your hands. Make me what you will Lord, cause I'm done trying to do it on my own.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Purity & Love

Amazing message.

"You should have to touch her heart and her mind first, before you ever touch her body."

Details In The Fabric

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything.

Hearing this song awoke me to the fact that not only have i been blocking out my feelings about life in general, but ive been blocking out a part of myself. I have not been holding my own. Nor have i been true to myself. And have i been going my own way? you could say so. Ive been going my own way... But not Gods way. Ive been relying so much on myself, that once again ive left God out of the picture. And boy does it show. Not only have i left him out of the picture, but ive completely ignored him... Completely. He's brought me trials and hes brought me pain... and i turn to myself, or to my friends, or to my music. But to God? No. No, i havent. Never once did he come to my mind. That fact is weird enough by itself, because ive always turned to God for everything. Hes always been my rock, but suddenly, i just...forget? 


Last night as i was trying to fall asleep. I lay there trying not to think about certain people. Trying not to think about certain struggles. Trying not to think about certain pains, certain hurt. Certain fears, or worries. Honestly, i was just trying not to think at all. Trying to get to sleep without shedding any tears. Trying to get to bed without anything on my mind. But i bet you could guess how that turned out. It didnt work. 


I almost made it. I was so close to going to bed with no thoughts on my mind. But then i thought about the next day, which led to the next, which lead to the next.... which seemed to lead to the end of my life. Those days went on forever. 


I thought about Today. Adam getting ready to graduate, which made me think about him becoming a husband, a father. And what did that mean to me? That means my brother is leaving me. Leaving me forever. Which meant what? Well, it meant that soon, he wont always be by my side. Now, hes always around. Hes always there. Hes always standing right beside me. You have no idea how much im going to miss that. He could make everything fun. He accepts me and loves me and understands me. He keeps me true to who i am. True to God. He knows just about everything about me, and everything about my life. Hes one of my best friends, And i have this feeling inside me that all that will change when he leaves. 


I have this inner fear, to be honest ive had it for as long as i can remember. Its this fear of being left behind. This fear of people moving on without me, people finding something better than me, people getting bored and just moving on. Leaving me in the dust. That seems to happen to me far too often. 



Then i started thinking about monday. School. Monday is the day i have to go back to the place where they sit us in rooms for hours to learn about things that "will prove useful later in life"
The few minutes we get out of classrooms are full of rumors being spread and drama being made. Stupid arguments being fought and people being awkward or inconsiderate. People talking about others in mean ways and other people being flat out alone. Some people have friends to walk with, some people dont. Some people can fake a smile, and others cant. Depending on the day i can be either one. People need top stop judging and hating... Start showing the face of christ and loving. Ive experienced feeling like a mis-fit. Ive felt hated. ive felt alone. It hurts, and that is why ive promised myself to be christ-like to everyone around me. Talk to those people who are alone, even if it means moving from the comfort of my shelter of friends. Im sick of people acting like they know me because of who i was last year, because of my decisions that i made last year, and even this school year. Im different. I grow and mature daily. Just because you know my name, doesnt mean you know me. You dont know my heart. My Decisions dont define me, my God defines me. Its not your place to tell me im wrong when you  havent been in my shoes. Im sick of people talking about me, but what im more sick of is people talking about things that arent even true. Im tired of dealing with fake people, who i thought were real friends... but have proved themselves to be some of the biggest jerks i know. Whether thats really them or not, only God knows. Only God.


Id be lying if i told you i understand life. Id be lying if i told you i understand everything that happened to me today. Id be lying if i told you i fully understand anything at all. All those details in the fabric of my life, every little string.. scratch that every little fiber, has its purpose. Every day is its own fiber, and every day along with that fiber comes struggles and pain, and joy. All those little fibers make up my life, and represent all the stuggles and pains and joys that come along with it. Although sometimes i want to make myself believe that i know myself, or that i know those around me, or i know life, i know in the big scheme of things that i dont. God knows every little fiber that makes up that fabric, just like he knows every little hair on my head. God knows more about me than i know about myself, and thats easy to forget. Us humans have it instilled in us to trust ourselves, and learn to trust no one else. As life has Gotten crazy this school year, ive slowly started trusting myself more and more, and trusting God less and less. 


As i went on day after day after day along with my schedule, and found more and more and more to worry about, it hit me, "PRAYER." i thought to myself. I was mortified, that i had let something so important just slip out of habit. My stomach dropped. Yes, i still said a blessing before meals.. but that doesnt count as meditation with God, that doesnt count as talking through my life with the father. I thought for a minute. My life had absolutely fallen apart. 
Instead of taking my problems to God and giving them up to him, i was trying to handle them on my own, and failing miserably. I lept out of bed and got on my knees, lifted my hands to my God, and prayed. I prayed about absolutely everything in my life, and then i prayed some more. I just talked to God and praised him for always letting me come back to him, no matter how badly i messed up. After i finished praying, i realized it was about 45 minutes later. Although i lost 45 minutes of sleep that night in prayer, I gained much more sleep in the nights to come. 


God is good. 

Because It's Who I Am. It's Who I've Always Been.

I’ve always been a good girl. I can’t help it.

I’m fairly sure it’s something that’s ingrained in me; this intense need to never disappoint people. This need to please. This nagging conscience that never fails to remind me when I’ve gone off course. This sense of obligation to always be the cheerful girl, the one who goes by the rules, the one you never really have to worry about.

I’m a classic middle child, always prone to being the one to just go along with things without causing much fuss. I rarely get into any real trouble. In fact, ive never REALLY been fully grounded. 

I’m a mediator. A listener. A dreamer. An optimistic pessimist and Incredibly sensitive. All those things combined have lead to a fairly intense case of what I like to call The Good Girl Complex.

It’s a lot of pressure to live up to. I’d never deny that for a second! And, as most girls do at some point, I’ve tried to push the boundaries here and there. To see if there has been some grand adventure that I’ve been missing out on by living life within the lines. But, honestly? At this point in my life, being the “good girl” is something that I cherish more than anything else. It’s almost as though I’ve come full circle, in a way, after a few years of trying to shake what I’ve always been.

All Ive ever wanted to do is fall in love. In a way, thats a good thing. Ive had these ridiculously high expectations and hopes - fueled by girlish fantasies and whims. Ive lived in a bubble of wistful journaling and romantic comedies. Ive looked around me, consumed by the thought that my future husband could be right around the corner. Ive skipped over most thoughts of partying and anything else that a typical teenager seems to focus on.

Ive always made sure to stay inside the lines. I always did what was deemed as the right thing. I knew what was expected and making that right decision was always fairly easy for me. Which is something I figure is quite lucky. It made being "good" quite simple.

I’m always going to worry too much about what people think. I’m always going to try too hard to do the right thing. I’m always going to get an achy feeling when I break a rule. Most curse words will sound contrived coming from my mouth. I’ll never be the life of the party. I’ll be most comfortable on the couch at home, watching movies with my friends and drinking chocolate milk. 

It still feels good to break out of my shell every now and again. I still make mistakes. I still manage to say things I regret and do things I regret and wonder all the while why I should ever be ashamed to show the world what I am, pure and simple.

Because, really? I’m happy being a good girl. And if that means that I’m the one staying home on a Friday night, playing scrabble or making cookies, then so be it. Those are the moments when I feel most like myself, anyway.

At this point in life, whenever anyone alludes to the fact that I’m a good girl, I smile. I own it. Because it’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been.

And that’s probably the most important thing each of us can discover, right?

What is it about him?

The more I read the Word,

the more I realize how filthy and pathetic I am.

The more I see of my own shortcomings,

the more I want to follow the example of Christ.

The more I learn about Jesus,

the more undeserving I feel.

The more I realize my own unworthiness,

the more I understand how overwhelmingly loved I am.

And the more I see God's perfect, selfless love, 

the more I want to read His Word.

WHAT is it about him?!

What is it about Christ that draws me irresistibly to him?

Despite having light shed on my filthiness, shortcomings, and unworthiness...

I can't stay away.

I know i do bad things and I know I'm not a good person.

Anyone who thinks they're a good person is lying to themselves...

But then there's this guy who was actually perfect,

and he chose to go and get himself crucified.

And then he said that it was for me;

for the stuff I've done.

And that what he did washes all that crap away.

And if I could, in my selfishness,

I think I'd prefer to take that 'get outta Hell free card'

and leave this crazy radical to his ethereal schemes,

continuing to live my life the way I want to.

But something about him just doesn't let me do that.

Something about his bleeding, broken body

calls me back to the foot of the cross

to gaze at his horrific suffering and death,

and just...

Worship.

Cry out.

Be humbled.

Mourn over my sin.

Give up control of my live.

Repent and turn from my disgusting monstrosities.

Learn and grow in my understanding of the Creator of the universe.

And fight against my evil nature until the day I'm called home.

His irresistible, selfless, undeserved love draws me in,

making me hate myself,

while giving me the ability,

the strength,

the conviction,

and the desire

to change who I am.

Submit yourselves therefore to God.

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.

Cleanse your hands, you sinners,

and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 

Be wretched and mourn and weep. 

Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 

Humble yourselves before the Lord, 

and he will exalt you. 

James 4:7 

A New Way To Look At Modesty

And you never change, God you remain, the holy one, my unfailing love. <3

You stay the same through all the ages, your love never changes. there may be pain in the night but your joy comes in the morning. and when the oceans rage, i dont have to be afraid...because i know you love me and your love never fails.

Who am I

Where two or three gather...

Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. 

I love this verse. It's one of those “simple” verses that to me, contains great truth, and comfort.

We all know that He is with us even when we are alone.  But, this verse pertains to any and all meetings that we call together in His name.  We have His direct assurance that He is with us as a group of people.  One of the most important things to note is that this verse has no limit as far as place or time.

It doesn’t matter if we are gathered in a church building, at a park, in a prison, on a boat, on top of mountain; it doesn’t change the fact.  Doesn’t matter if it is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  He is with us when we gather in His name.  We have His promise, and we believers know that God keeps His promises no matter what.

So, never forget, He is with us, and if you want even more assurance find another believer gather together in His name, and know.  We are most assuredly not alone.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

OH so true.

Ezekiel 18:1-32

 The word of the LORD came to me: 
“What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel:
   “‘The parents eat sour grapes, 
   and the children’s teeth are set on edge’?
 “As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For everyone belongs to me, the parent as well as the child—both alike belong to me. The one who sins is the one who will die.
“Suppose there is a righteous man 
   who does what is just and right. 
He does not eat at the mountain shrines 
   or look to the idols of Israel. 
He does not defile his neighbor’s wife 
   or have sexual relations with a woman during her period. 
He does not oppress anyone, 
   but returns what he took in pledge for a loan. 
He does not commit robbery 
   but gives his food to the hungry 
   and provides clothing for the naked. 
He does not lend to them at interest 
   or take a profit from them. 
He withholds his hand from doing wrong 
   and judges fairly between two parties. 
He follows my decrees 
   and faithfully keeps my laws. 
That man is righteous; 
   he will surely live, 
            declares the Sovereign LORD.
“Suppose he has a violent son, who sheds blood or does any of these other things (though the father has done none of them):
“He eats at the mountain shrines. 
He defiles his neighbor’s wife. 
He oppresses the poor and needy. 
He commits robbery. 
He does not return what he took in pledge. 
He looks to the idols. 
He does detestable things. 
He lends at interest and takes a profit.
Will such a man live? He will not! Because he has done all these detestable things, he is to be put to death; his blood will be on his own head.
“But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things:
“He does not eat at the mountain shrines 
   or look to the idols of Israel. 
He does not defile his neighbor’s wife. 
He does not oppress anyone 
   or require a pledge for a loan. 
He does not commit robbery 
   but gives his food to the hungry 
   and provides clothing for the naked. 
He withholds his hand from mistreating the poor 
   and takes no interest or profit from them. 
He keeps my laws and follows my decrees.
He will not die for his father’s sin; he will surely live. But his father will die for his own sin, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was wrong among his people.
“Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them.
“But if a wicked person turns away from all the sins they have committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, that person will surely live; they will not die.
None of the offenses they have committed will be remembered against them. Because of the righteous things they have done, they will live.
Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?

 “But if a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked person does, will they live? None of the righteous things that person has done will be remembered. Because of the unfaithfulness they are guilty of and because of the sins they have committed, they will die.
“Yet you say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ Hear, you Israelites: Is my way unjust? Is it not your ways that are unjust? If a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin, they will die for it; because of the sin they have committed they will die. But if a wicked person turns away from the wickedness they have committed and does what is just and right, they will save their life. Because they consider all the offenses they have committed and turn away from them, that person will surely live; they will not die. Yet the Israelites say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ Are my ways unjust, people of Israel? Is it not your ways that are unjust?
“Therefore, you Israelites, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!

This could pretty much be my life song...

The man on the streets. He’s 40 but looks 10 years older. Seeking money to no end, but never having enough. Hope? None. He covers over his worries with drugs or drink. His life is a joyless mess of making money but then squandering it just to forget his troubles of this life for a little while. He smells like he hasn’t bathed in weeks, and for good reason. His beard is scraggly and dirty. His hair thin and uneven. The man on the streets’ clothes are dirty and ripped. He has nothing. No one. 

But wait! The man on the streets sees someone that is different. This stranger is happy. Why? His clothes aren’t expensive. He doesn’t have many nice things. And yet he is happy. The man on the streets is drawn to him. That man has something different and he wants it. The man on the streets asks this stranger why he is happy. The stranger says he has a friend. A different kind of friend. A friend that will never leave him or hurt him. A friend that will love you no matter what you have done. The man on the streets wants this kind of friend.

The stranger says his name is Jesus Christ. He says all you have to do is ask and he will be your friend. The man on the streets wants this so bad. He asks the stranger to help him. The stranger does. The man on the streets feels something he hasn’t felt in a very long time. Happy. It doesn’t matter any more that he has nothing, because he has a friend. It doesn’t matter! None of it matters, because he has a friend.

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you, even to the end of the days” 

Matthew 28:19-20

This, is my mission.

The Lord At Work

Gosh, so much has happened lately. My life is a gazillion times different. But really just by telling you one story it can give you a general idea of whats been going on in my life.


Last Wednesday i woke up with one thing on my mind... PSALM 27:14. I couldnt get it out of my head. It was 6 AM and i was trying to get ready for school. I hopped in the shower and it was still there.. So i got dressed and pulled out my Bible. I opened it up and found Psalm 27:14... it read this-- "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"


I want to start with just pointing out what a mighty and powerful verse this is. Wait for the LORD! WAIT FOR THE LORD! Be STRONG. Strong. AND LET YOUR HEART TAKE COURAGE! Let your heart take COURAGE. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Such a to the point verse... yet so deep at the same time. 


For the past month ive been dealing with alot, and even if i say im okay, i know im not completely healed yet. I know things happen, but i still have some feelings that i just cant let go of. And dealing with those i felt like God just was busy with other people; more important people and things. I thought that just because something wasnt changing JUST THEN, that it meant nothing would happen.. until i read this. Our God is so good with timing. Since ive really worked through my feelings and its helped. I might need a little longer to totally be over what happened. and when i stop missing what my life was like then... but really, my life is just so much better now. Im closer with God, i have better friendships, and a less dramatic life. all good things. Its interesting how things can go from a blessing... to a curse... but then you realize what a blessing it is again. Its just a blessing in a different way. in a good way.  

Panda Bread

http://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/panda-bread-recipe/1/

Your smile

Your smile is beautiful. If there isnt one on your face right now, put one there, because its the best way to stand out... in a good way :) A smile is something that shows confidence and happiness... and shows others just how good our God is. Plus smiles are contagious... and id love to catch a smile from you right about now :)

Today i really realized that maybe God's calling me to do more than just be the average teenager. Maybe instead of just having fun and being crazy, God wants me to be a servant for him... and highschool is definitely a good place to start. Even going to a christian school, theres places and people that need serving there... Even if thats just through my actions and attitude. I represent God's kingdom, I represent Christianity... all by being a Christian. And it makes me sad to see how many people forget that, including myself. When im frustrated or mad, and i say or do something mean, im representing Christ, and the church, in a way it isnt. And that just must break God's heart to see.

In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting people’s sins against them.  He entrusted the message of reconciliation to us. So we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making his appeal through us.  We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God.”  2 Corinthians 5:18,19

God entrusted us with telling others about him

Are we taking this responsibility seriously?
I know i always thought "Well im not the best for this, other people are better with words, other people know more about the Bible than i do. And i mean, how do you NOT hear about Jesus? Its their own fault they arent christians."
When thats not how it works at all. 

Okay im getting kinda off subject... lets see if i can get back on subject here.

We're a holy nation, belonging to God. We've received mercy from God, but do we act like we received mercy? I want to represent God in everything i do. 

Lately ive had someone hurt me, and so many people have been saying mean things about them. They want to tell them a piece of their mind. They wanna show them what happens when they mess with me. But i tell them no. Thats not the way to handle this situation. I dont hate them, im not really even mad at them. I just am disappointed that i was taken advantage of, and that i saw someone deep inside this person, wanting out, and they just ignored that, and i never said anything. People keep saying i should be mad at him, but im not. Im at peace with all of this. I feel like God was almost telling me to write this blog post to try and make my friends more at peace with all this as well.

God wired me to be kind and compassionate. I care about people. Everyone has a heart, and everyone has emotions. But alot of people only care about how THEY feel and how their decision affects them and only them. I try my best to always represent God in the best way. I try my best to represent christ with my actions, words, thoughts, and deeds. I try to be kind to everyone, no matter what they've done to me. God's given me mercy, so i should show mercy to others, as an example of Christs love. I need to let Christs love show through who i am and the decisions i make. 

I do this because i love him, not so that i will, and honestly, im horrified of when i go to heaven, the first thing God saying to me is "Why didn't you fulfill the small tasks i asked of you on Earth? And now you DARE ask for a reward?"

Im a Daughter of the King. Im walking one step at a time to my destiny with the father. God leads, and i try my best to follow. She who kneels before God can stand before anyone and i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

A letter from God

My Beloved Daughter,
I am so proud of you. Just thinking about you makes me sing (Zephaniah 3:17). You are the apple of my eye, my daughter in whom I have found great delight (Psalms 17:8, 149:4, Song of Solomon 4:10). Even in your struggles, you look to me. You have not broken your covenant of love with me, and I am so pleased with you. Though you do not see, you believe; though you do not always hear, you listen and obey. Yes, you are yet imperfect. Sometimes you fall down, but I love you in your struggles. Your weaknesses are beautiful, because it is from that place of repentance that you realize how much you need me (2 Corinthians 12:10, Song of Solomon 1:5). 
 
You are beautiful, my darling, unique, one of a kind (Song of Solomon 1:15, 6:9). How lovely are the works of my hands (Isaiah 64:8)! Who is there to say that my creation is not beautiful (Is 45:9)? I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother’s womb (Ps 139:13). See, before I established the foundations of the Earth, I knew you. Before I parted the oceans, I was waiting for you, peering through the lattices of time: Let me hear your voice! (Song of Solomon 8:13). Your voice is like the choicest perfume, like sweet honey to my lips (Song of Solomon 4:11). Do not be afraid (Isaiah 41:10). 
 
Dark are you, but lovely (Song of Solomon 1:5). I have chosen you among you companions, I called you by name, and you are mine (Psalm 45:7, Song of Solomon 2:16). Nothing can separate you from my love (Romans 8:38-39). I am here for YOU, every day, every moment. There is nothing I would not do for YOU, because I have already given you the greatest gift of all, my Son (John 3:16). Here I am, laying before you a banqueting table of my riches (Song of Solomon 2:4). Take, and be filled! Do not be satisfied with the mediocre life that the world has to offer (Song of Solomon 2:4). Only in me can you find the abundant life you are searching for (I Timothy 6:19, John 10:10). 
 
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3). Be still and listen. Turn off every distraction. In the secret place you shall find me (Psalm 91:1-2). In the temple of your spirit, I have built my resting place (1 Corinthians 6:19). Many search for me, but do not find me, because they fear the cost of my friendship (Luke 9:23). They do not know that true love is not measured on the scales of emotion, but of quiet devotion (John 14:15). So, draw near to me, and I will draw near to you (James 4:8). Even when you do not feel me, I am there. I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). “For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). Rejoice, then, rejoice! Give thanks to me and praise me name! (Psalm 100:4). For “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3, NIV). My love for you remains as steady as the rising sun (Psalm 103:17). It never changes, because you are my child, my creation, and I am well pleased with you (Hebrews 13:8).
 
Love,Your Heavenly Dad

Dear God

God, i cry out to you.... I need you, more than ever right now... I'm sorry for forgetting that you are more than I could ever need, and getting caught up in cares of the world. Those things are fleeting.... they don't last. You last forever.... You were, you are, and you will be. You are I AM. You are God and are worthy of all my praise and are worthy of all my heart.... every piece. Without you I am nothing, I am a wretched fool... I am so ugly on the inside and outside without you, and no earthly remedy for beauty will truly make me beautiful. You are the only truly beautiful one... I need you to wash me clean, renew and restore me, and adorn me with your kind of beauty, I want to be more like Jesus.... I want people to look at me and see you God... Create in me a servant's heart. I want to be more like Jesus, more selfless. I am weak God, but you are strong. Make yourself strong through my weakness. Take the throne of my life.... I need you to lead me in everything, my thoughts, actions, and decisions.... because you always know best. Not my will but yours be done, always. I am second, I am your servant. You are Holy and worthy of all my praise!! May your name always be lifted high. My soul thirsts for you... you are good. Heal me! Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically... thank you for answering all my prayers! Thank you for providing for me and taking care of all my needs. Help me not to worry about anything. I trust you. I love you. Help me touch people's hearts and bring them closer to you. Help me be a blessing to people. Holy Spirit, guide my words. God I ask for more wisdom, and insight. I want to have the mind of Christ. I delight myself in the Lord and He gives me the desires of my heart. The Lord perfects that which concerns me. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me when I don't deserve it. I love you.
And in the words of Jesus i say My God my God why have you forsaken me?
But God, is it more that i have forsaken you than you forsaking me?
You never leave me, yet how many times do i flatout forget about you? 
Monthly? Weekly? Daily? Hourly? 
My God, Im filled with horror and im ashamed when i realize ive forsaken you and your son, once again.
When your Son died for me. To give me a chance at life. And i just forget about it. I dont tell anyone that he died for me, and i dont even try and stop the things at which he died for me for! 
When i keep doing those things, and sinning, im telling you that those things and sins mean more to me, then you do God! And i wish i could deny that, but its right in front of me, and God no matter how much i try and change, the devil just eats at me God. And how is it that you're stronger than he but yet you dont intervene? God i understand that you let me make my own decisions, but i need you to work  within me! I need you to give me a burning fire within me, that burns off of you Lord! Give me the strength to achieve what you've set out for me God! Oh God forgive me for my wrongs and give me another chance, even though i dont deserve it. God ive been paying you lipservice for far to long. When i sing to you in worship, when i shout words of praise to you, do i actually mean what im saying? 
I sing things saying that God is all i need, that i give my life to him! but do i really mean what im singing? I hear God in a mocking voice, he says "Anna, dont sing that to me! Dont say that you're giving me your life completely if you arent! Dont tell me you are! I know the truth Anna, And thats not it!"
Im ashamed! I wish i could i mean what im singing. I pray to you God all the time, but i dont do any more than a lipservice God! I talk and talk and talk about doing things, but i dont do what i need to do for you God! All i want is to know you better! i want that burning passion for you God! and I'll occasionally have it! but it passes God. I want a never ending passion. I want you in my life constantly. every minute of every day God. Not just when i need you to help me God. I dont want to be a lip server God, I want to serve you in every thought, action, word, and step and step of my life God, And i need your help with that. I need you to give me that passion God, because that isnt something i can do in my heart God! I dont want to serve you so that i receive a passion for you, but i want to receive a passion for you so that i serve you! God help me with this, i pray that you help me with this. I love you and you mean so much to me, but i need to love you sooo much more God. Help me with my life. Help me with my sins. I dont want to put those sins above you God like i am today. God i need your help.


Your ashamed Daughter,
Anna

Where'd My Summer Go?

1,234 visits

So im kinda weirdly excited because i opened up my blog and saw that i was the 1,234 visitor. NBD. Just thought id say haha :)

Authenticity

I've been thinking alot about this lately... and i just feel like i should articulate my thoughts and just get them straight... in MY brain, But also share them with you. 

Im writing little pieces of this each day, and taking my time, because i really want my thoughts to be clear and understood. 

I think i'll start with a definition. Authentic is one of those words that EVERYONE knows what it means, but then when it comes to defining the word, everyone has a different definition. Well here's the official definition-

Authentic (ADJ)- Of undisputed origin or authorship; genuine; accurate in representation of the facts; trustworthy; reliable: An authentic account. When i read that definition i think of someone i can be sure of. That they make it obvious who they really are. Confident and caring. They're always themselves, you can trust them and rely on them for everything.  But the thing that really stands out to me when i read this definition though is the last part.

"accurate in representation of the facts; trustworthy; reliable: An authentic account."

When i read that, i think... when someone represents them-self as the person they really are, they're seen as being trustworthy and reliable, because they're an authentic account of them-self. 

So if you aren't an authentic account of yourself, does that make you an unreliable person? Does it make you not trustworthy? 

Do you want that? What DO you want? What DO you want to do with your life? How are you going to spend your time on earth? Its up to you. That's a beautiful thing about life.

Another thing i thought about was how we all want to look like that one celebrity. We all have that person that we want to look like and sometimes even act like. We all have that one person that we look up to and what to be just like them. Im even guessing that specific person came to mind when you read that. Maybe not, but i know we all at one point in or life (if not all of it), have that person we want to be identical to. Sometimes we try so hard to be like someone else, that we become inauthentic. 

in-authenticity is toxic. 

When you try your entire life to please others, you aren't being yourself. You aren't being the person God created you to be. 

Sometimes we're afraid of letting people close to us, letting them be around us, because we're afraid they'll see the "real us"

But who's the "real us" anyways? 

God's looking for those who are themselves inside and out. We, as Christians have the privilege of being God's servants. To teach and preach about God. We can help people open their mind and heart to God and others. 

To me, this sounds like it would be really hard. But in God, we have refuge. 

But authenticity is a daily practice.

We can only be Gods when we let go of what we think and others think we need to be like and be ourselves. We can love ourselves and others through Gods love for us. 


Authenticity demands whole hearted loving and living. We need to model Gods grace and love to everyone around us, all the time.

We have to go to scripture to know what God wants us to be, because culture wont tell us. Culture tells us its all about ourselves, scripture tells us otherwise.


There's a security we need in our identity that we can only truly get from God.


Authenticity is something i struggle with, but work towards. Im getting better, but still have so much work to do until im even close to authentic. 


I ask you to join this battle with me and work towards being authentic... because if we aren't authentic, then we cant be as strong of servants for God. 

Back From The Trip

Hey! So im really sorry that i havent posted any pictures from the trip yet. Ive been super busy. How is it im more busy now than i was when school was in or even during finals week? I thought summer was for sitting out by the pool and relaxing. Buying hundreds of pairs of sunglasses and going to sonic happy hour every day and not having a care in the world. Well its been the opposite of that for me lately. Not only have i been super busy, but ive had lots of emotional stress. I dont have the time to explain it all, or to get all the pictures together from the trip, but ill hopefully get them both on here eventually :)

I love youuuu,
Anna

Southcarolina:]

Hey! So it's the second day on the beach and im almost as tan as snooki. Well... Not quite... But close ;) I'm just planning on posting a bunch of pictures throughout the trip :)

Love you!
Anna

I love you :)

hey so umm i feel horrible not posting lately, but its finals time. so im just saying here that i love you and lifes great! :)

Anna

Elmo Prank Calls

I absolutely LOVE these videos... Elmo prank calls :) Hahah theyre really funny. Take the time and watch 'em :)

Love,

Anna

You know your family is weird when....

Ive always known that my family was a little off... and a little strange... but today i was actually quite confused when i walked into the bathroom and saw this...

I must say im still a little confused... and everyone else in my family thinks its funny that i think its weird... which disturbs me the most 0_o

A whole new blog!

Hey everybody!
Ive spent about an hour today changing up the blog! Added some html, created some fun things, and voila! A whole new blog! so please let me know what you think! Hope you like it :)

Anna

Wishing

Last night i looked  at my clock and it said 11:11. I realized that it had been weeks since i had wished at 11:11, and i used to wish every single night. It was a habit i had... and i just stopped? I realized that my life was better since i stopped wishing at 11:11.... Or maybe i was just looking at it differently... looking at it as more of a gift. I used to wish for things... over and over again.... but obviously, God didn't want me to have those things...they weren't a part of his plan... he had something much better in mind. I would wish and wish for those things, and really hope for those things, and then get discouraged when i didn't get them. I realize how BLESSED i am. God has given me WAY more than i need... but i thought i NEEDED those things i wished for...those people i wished for... So i wish i could write a long long blog post because thats what i feel like doing today... but i have no time. Im just supposed to be printing off my science assignment sheet... and i think my mom will catch on pretty quickly.

So if i do wish any time from now on... ill wish this...

Keep Smiling,

Anna

A New Direction

Today at my church we had a prayer room... there were 10 different stations and you would stop at each station and have an activity...  I loved seeing all the scripture and everything, but i really wasnt moved in any way.... till i got to station 9, at least. At station 9 there was a tub of wipes and a sign that read
"NEW DIRECTION:
Take a wipe and clean your hands. Think about all your hands have reached for in the past. Some things brought joy, others pain, and still others probably left you wanting something more. As you clean your hands, clean your mind and challenge yourself to stop reaching out for things for the wrong reasons and start reaching out to God. When you do, you'll discover a new you that is free from the bondage of the world.
Jeremiah 6:16-
This is what the LORD says: "stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."


This really hit home with me... especially since this is what I've been working on for quite some time now... but pretty unsuccessfully. As humans, we reach for things without always thinking... and some bring happiness... but some also bring sorrow. When we reach for things for the wrong reasons... we'll never find what we're looking for, but if we look for things with God number 1 in our hearts... we'll find exactly what we're looking for....
Then there was another sign that said this...

"1. what are the idols in your life that compete against God for your time and attention? Are they more important than your heavenly father?

2. Look back on your life. Do you like what you see or who you've become? Why or why not? If not, what can you do differently from this point forward?"

I challenge you to answer these questions and reflect on jeremiah 6:16.
I hope that this affects you like it's affected me.

Keep smiling,
♥ Anna

God give me love, hope, compassion, and mercy

I've decided that maybe it not such a great idea for God to give me strength, but instead to give me love, hope, compassion, and mercy. I thought Id share these bible verses with those of you who are facing struggles, as I am.

Psalm 6:9
he listens to my cry for help and will answer my prayer.

Isaih 43:2
when you pass through deep waters, I will be with you. The hard trials that come will not hurt you.

Jeremiah 33:3
call to me, and I will answer you; I will tell you wonderful and marvelous things that you know nothing about.

Isaih 40:31
those who trust in the LORD for help will find their strength renewed. They will run and not get weary.

Hebrews 13:5b
Be satisfied with what you have. For God has said "I will never leave you; i will never abandon you."

Ephesians 4:32
be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

Psalm 23:1
the LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid.

Psalm 46:1-2a
God is our shelter and strenght, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid.

Deuteronomy 31:6
be determined and confident. Your God, the LORD himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.

Proverbs 30:5
God keeps every promise he makes. He is like a Shield for all who seek his protection.

Isaih 41:10
do not be afraid- I am with you! I am your God. I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.

1 corinthians 10:13b
he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; he will give you the strength to endure it.