These past few weeks really helped put some things about myself into perspective, and though it led to some rather painful realizations it was something I really needed. I was talking about plans for the future and was rambling on excitedly about one idea or another and my friend commented that she hoped Id actually go through with it and make it happen. She told me I'm a "project starter" and that it's time for me to finally finish something for a change. While this may seem harsh, her words rang true and really made me realize that this is one of my biggest personality flaws. I get ideas, I get passionate about them, I throw a ton of work into getting them started and then...I get a new idea, I get passionate about it, I throw a ton of work into starting it and any plans I had for the previous idea sort of get set on the back burner. But they don't simmer there, they just sort of..go bad. And I never go back to them. And nothing ever gets accomplished.
I thought about all of the things I've thought about doing and plans I only half carried out and it was a huge eye opener to how much I could have accomplished with my life and had all of the potential in the world to make happen and then....didn't. The charity I dreamed up and never started, the blanket I crocheted half of, the handful of novels I wrote three chapters of, the quilt half sewn sitting on a shelf in my closet. The list goes on and on. Countless plans I had for my life that I walked away from when an idea I perceived as "better" came along. All things I started but never finished.
It's not even a case of "giving up;" it's that my attention span and focus is so all over the place that I can't seem to keep myself working toward one thing. I'm so worried about getting the most out of life and living every second to the fullest and cramming in as much as possible that I end up jumping away from great ideas in an attempt to do more. But the problem with this is by not finishing anything I'm not getting the most out of life; I'm setting myself up to permanently feel dissatisfied with how I didn't spend the little precious time I'd been given.
Last week was all about focusing myself on prioritizing my ideas and figuring out what plans I have are most important. I sat outside with my notebook and jotted down which goals are most important to me and ranked them in order of importance. I came up with small little steps that I can easily make time for that will bring me closer to the finish line. After I was done, I felt really relieved and good about myself. It felt nice being able to physically see a list of my goals and priorities. I think half of my problem is my brain never takes a break; it's always buzzing with ideas and I don't know what to do with them. Seeing my list every day will remind me to focus and the steps I need to take are small enough that I won't get overwhelmed.
I know I will never be a one niche person. I will never have only one goal, dream or hobby. I don't think I could ever feel remotely satisfied working for just one thing, to be honest. I just need to learn how to effectively manage my time and thoughts so that I can accomplish multiple things at the same time and start really making things happen for myself. I need to stop letting go of old dreams the second I dream up something new. I need to stop letting myself forget about other things I want and look at the bigger picture. I need to stay true to the little steps for living more positively I outlined for myself and continue focusing on what I'm capable of instead of what I'm not.
I've always been a dreamer, I just need to be a doer for a change.
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