God, i cry out to you.... I need you, more than ever right now... I'm sorry for forgetting that you are more than I could ever need, and getting caught up in cares of the world. Those things are fleeting.... they don't last. You last forever.... You were, you are, and you will be. You are I AM. You are God and are worthy of all my praise and are worthy of all my heart.... every piece. Without you I am nothing, I am a wretched fool... I am so ugly on the inside and outside without you, and no earthly remedy for beauty will truly make me beautiful. You are the only truly beautiful one... I need you to wash me clean, renew and restore me, and adorn me with your kind of beauty, I want to be more like Jesus.... I want people to look at me and see you God... Create in me a servant's heart. I want to be more like Jesus, more selfless. I am weak God, but you are strong. Make yourself strong through my weakness. Take the throne of my life.... I need you to lead me in everything, my thoughts, actions, and decisions.... because you always know best. Not my will but yours be done, always. I am second, I am your servant. You are Holy and worthy of all my praise!! May your name always be lifted high. My soul thirsts for you... you are good. Heal me! Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically... thank you for answering all my prayers! Thank you for providing for me and taking care of all my needs. Help me not to worry about anything. I trust you. I love you. Help me touch people's hearts and bring them closer to you. Help me be a blessing to people. Holy Spirit, guide my words. God I ask for more wisdom, and insight. I want to have the mind of Christ. I delight myself in the Lord and He gives me the desires of my heart. The Lord perfects that which concerns me. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me when I don't deserve it. I love you.
And in the words of Jesus i say My God my God why have you forsaken me?
But God, is it more that i have forsaken you than you forsaking me?
You never leave me, yet how many times do i flatout forget about you?
Monthly? Weekly? Daily? Hourly?
My God, Im filled with horror and im ashamed when i realize ive forsaken you and your son, once again.
When your Son died for me. To give me a chance at life. And i just forget about it. I dont tell anyone that he died for me, and i dont even try and stop the things at which he died for me for!
When i keep doing those things, and sinning, im telling you that those things and sins mean more to me, then you do God! And i wish i could deny that, but its right in front of me, and God no matter how much i try and change, the devil just eats at me God. And how is it that you're stronger than he but yet you dont intervene? God i understand that you let me make my own decisions, but i need you to work within me! I need you to give me a burning fire within me, that burns off of you Lord! Give me the strength to achieve what you've set out for me God! Oh God forgive me for my wrongs and give me another chance, even though i dont deserve it. God ive been paying you lipservice for far to long. When i sing to you in worship, when i shout words of praise to you, do i actually mean what im saying?
I sing things saying that God is all i need, that i give my life to him! but do i really mean what im singing? I hear God in a mocking voice, he says "Anna, dont sing that to me! Dont say that you're giving me your life completely if you arent! Dont tell me you are! I know the truth Anna, And thats not it!"
Im ashamed! I wish i could i mean what im singing. I pray to you God all the time, but i dont do any more than a lipservice God! I talk and talk and talk about doing things, but i dont do what i need to do for you God! All i want is to know you better! i want that burning passion for you God! and I'll occasionally have it! but it passes God. I want a never ending passion. I want you in my life constantly. every minute of every day God. Not just when i need you to help me God. I dont want to be a lip server God, I want to serve you in every thought, action, word, and step and step of my life God, And i need your help with that. I need you to give me that passion God, because that isnt something i can do in my heart God! I dont want to serve you so that i receive a passion for you, but i want to receive a passion for you so that i serve you! God help me with this, i pray that you help me with this. I love you and you mean so much to me, but i need to love you sooo much more God. Help me with my life. Help me with my sins. I dont want to put those sins above you God like i am today. God i need your help.
Your ashamed Daughter,
Anna
No comments:
Post a Comment