Because It's Who I Am. It's Who I've Always Been.

I’ve always been a good girl. I can’t help it.

I’m fairly sure it’s something that’s ingrained in me; this intense need to never disappoint people. This need to please. This nagging conscience that never fails to remind me when I’ve gone off course. This sense of obligation to always be the cheerful girl, the one who goes by the rules, the one you never really have to worry about.

I’m a classic middle child, always prone to being the one to just go along with things without causing much fuss. I rarely get into any real trouble. In fact, ive never REALLY been fully grounded. 

I’m a mediator. A listener. A dreamer. An optimistic pessimist and Incredibly sensitive. All those things combined have lead to a fairly intense case of what I like to call The Good Girl Complex.

It’s a lot of pressure to live up to. I’d never deny that for a second! And, as most girls do at some point, I’ve tried to push the boundaries here and there. To see if there has been some grand adventure that I’ve been missing out on by living life within the lines. But, honestly? At this point in my life, being the “good girl” is something that I cherish more than anything else. It’s almost as though I’ve come full circle, in a way, after a few years of trying to shake what I’ve always been.

All Ive ever wanted to do is fall in love. In a way, thats a good thing. Ive had these ridiculously high expectations and hopes - fueled by girlish fantasies and whims. Ive lived in a bubble of wistful journaling and romantic comedies. Ive looked around me, consumed by the thought that my future husband could be right around the corner. Ive skipped over most thoughts of partying and anything else that a typical teenager seems to focus on.

Ive always made sure to stay inside the lines. I always did what was deemed as the right thing. I knew what was expected and making that right decision was always fairly easy for me. Which is something I figure is quite lucky. It made being "good" quite simple.

I’m always going to worry too much about what people think. I’m always going to try too hard to do the right thing. I’m always going to get an achy feeling when I break a rule. Most curse words will sound contrived coming from my mouth. I’ll never be the life of the party. I’ll be most comfortable on the couch at home, watching movies with my friends and drinking chocolate milk. 

It still feels good to break out of my shell every now and again. I still make mistakes. I still manage to say things I regret and do things I regret and wonder all the while why I should ever be ashamed to show the world what I am, pure and simple.

Because, really? I’m happy being a good girl. And if that means that I’m the one staying home on a Friday night, playing scrabble or making cookies, then so be it. Those are the moments when I feel most like myself, anyway.

At this point in life, whenever anyone alludes to the fact that I’m a good girl, I smile. I own it. Because it’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been.

And that’s probably the most important thing each of us can discover, right?