Convicted

When i was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down;
when i was sinking down, sinking down;
when i was sinking down beneath Gods righteous frown,
Christ laid aside his crown for my soul, for my soul;
Christ laid aside his crown for my soul.

For lent i wanted to convict myself this year. I decided that i needed to hold myself more accountable; to a higher standard and keep it there. To stop TALKING about making sacrifices for God and start LIVING out an example of that in my life. But everytime i thought about convicting myself, putting myself up to that sacrifice, i quickly brushed it off. Finally God did the convicting, He brought me to a conclusion that if i was putting up that much of a fuss over the little things, then how was he ever going to be able to use me for the big things? I decided i needed to find something to give up. I started small.. I thought about giving up soda, but then i realized if anything i was just using that as an easy way out, as i was already giving up caffeine for health reasons. I slowly made my way up the list. I got as high as facebook and pinterest. immediately i brushed those off. I wasnt willing to sacrifice those things for that long... who was i kidding? I mean really, "No reason to be an over achiever," I thought to myself. Then i actually processed what i had just said... "NO REASON TO BE AN OVERACHIEVER."
Had i really just said that about making sacrifices for my Lord who DIED for me and my sins?
"No reason to be an overachiever." I said it again.
I became disgusted with myself. At that point i realized that if those were things i didnt want to give up then i needed to, because its not a sacrifice if you dont mind giving it up or youre comfortable doing so. I came to the conclusion, without putting too much more thought into it. I puffed out my chest and stood tall (figuratively, of course). I appeared big and strong in this choice, but really on the inside i was scared, intimidated, unsure... to whether or not i could rise to the challenge. Then i told my parents about my goal. My moms jaw dropped and my dad burst out in laughter "Yeah right!" he said as he and Adam started placing bets on how long id make it. My mom eventually shouts "Enough! Thats not fair to her, i think she can do it! If Anna can give up facebook and pinterest.... ill give up solitaire." Every single person at the tables jaw drops, including mine.
"wat." Adam says after a few seconds, and my dad lets out one more snarky remark "What are you gonna do with your extra six hours a day?" (Believe it or not thats a pretty accurate time)
"Oh hush!" she remarked as she smacked his arm.
I was still focusing on the fact that my dad and brother really didnt believe in me. Something inside me- maybe my confidence, or my hopes- were just crushed. I felt deflated. They were all still joking and making fun of my moms solitaire addiction...
"Do you really not think that i can do it?"
"Well, i just feel like youre setting yourself up for failure.. i think you need to start small and maybe think of something not as hard.. Facebook and pinterest will take alot of will power."
i thought, Oh so now hes saying that i dont have will power? I was almost angry at this point, although, it was too true a statement.
You see, i can take people making fun of who i am or how i look or how i act, but when i take a blow to my character, i just fall apart.
Steam was building up inside of me. I felt like popeye in those old cartoons, just bracing myself to erupt.
Their conversations went on, but i was sitting there silently, thinking. I looked up, "watch me."

I always take peoples doubt in me as a challenge.
I DO have the will power.
Im NOT starting small.
Im NOT giving up.
And most importantly im NOT denying this undeniable love and conviction that im overwhelmed with by God.

I know my Dads intentions were good, and i cant help but wonder if hes doing all of this just so ill take it seriously, maybe see it as a challenge.

Im sacrificing because i love Jesus. I love what he did for little undeserving me. Ive heard "You're insane" Alot in the past few days... maybe i am, insanely in love with The King of Kings, Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, Messiah, Savior, Jehovah, Almighty, Ancient of days, Author of life, Comforter, Deliverer, Counselor, Creator, Shepherd, Hope, I am, Light of the world, Lord of all, Omega, The one true love and truth. How could i not be?

This is what it comes down to... anything youre not willing to give up for him, is above him in your mind. Anything your not willing to give up is an IDOL. Cast it away.

He sacrificed his life, i think i can sacrifice Facebook and pinterest for 40 days.