Recurrent, but tangible.

I've talked about this deep, burning desire within me to create...
to love people and enjoy fellowship and just take in creation's echo of majesty.
But I'm bogged down. By school and sickness and work and the ever-present feeling of having to catch up with myself. It's suffocating; it's killing me, slowly; every day I don't touch my bible, sing, go on a bike ride, bake brownies, take a picture, feel the sun on my face or consider the enormity of my creator, a piece of me wastes away.
So tonight, at about 6:53, I was limping home thinking about what I should eat for supper and all the homework I had yet to do.... and it was as though someone whispered in my ear,
"This isn't what you need right now."
I thought the appropriate response would be: 'Yes; thank you, small voice in my head.. That's very astute of you.'
But the more I lingered on the idea, the more it grew in complexity-- and specificity-- until I arrived at,
"This isn't what you were created for. You're choosing to break yourself apart for no tangible reason. Who is it helping? What are your motives? THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU WERE CREATED FOR."
My God is a jealous god... I love that about Him. He wants me--- all of me. Not on sunday mornings; not when I find a spare moment.... Undivided attention. And it's easy to tell when God wants something. I try to walk the wrong direction and everything blows up in my face..
I'm falling behind on my mass of homework.
I'm tired all the time.
I'm sick.
And today I realized how selfish my motivations are for keeping pointless things first.
.........sakdjfhilawerkjbgklasfd.